27.11.03
mood .:+:. [crapped out.]
listening to .:+:. [easier to run--linkin park]
eating .:+:. [longyan]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cool]
went to the zoo yesterday.
took lotsa e fotos on my cam.
wheehee.
but now like so damn tired....kena headache...
bleeeagh.
u know joel chia is actualy veri veri shuai?
lol.
rEaLLy la...NO I DONT HAvE A CRUSH ON HIM.
yawn.
and now my mom is going like "DO YOU KNOW UR TUITION STARTS NEXT MONTH~!!??"
yes bitch i do.
in fact i was the one who TOLD U ITS STARTS NEXT MONTH.
jeez.
i waited 6 HOURS for delia today.
for bpd.
i have the patience of a SAINT.
*why am i typing in caps all the time?*
hais.
but i got to do some serious tinking.
about the journey guide tingy.
i mean...am i really going to tell them EVERYTHING?
all the things ive done?
like, no way.
i mean, ive never told so much to anyone.
not even myself.
i dont wanna face those tings ive hidden away for so long again.
ive taken so long to convince myself i DIDNT do those tings.
that im okay, that im not wrong....
i just dont wanna rmb wad i did.
its so much easier to run from all that.
i mean, i always screw up.
and its so much easier to just forget about it, run away from that past, forget the pain.
its inside so deep it doesnt show...n it doesnt go away.
if i could change...retrace every wrong move i made, i would.
but its so hard.
its easier to walk away n forget after doing it than to try 2 change.
*shrugs*
oh well.
who cares?
oh yeah.
delia n KC.
i'll just forget about it 4 now.
3. 2. 1.
okay yep today i went to joannes dad's funeral...
the wake n cremation.
ernie was there...the bus left 4 vernon at about 10.
lol li en came at 1030+ n was like... 0.o wheres everyone??
haha funny sia...
okie, its kinda wRoNg to tink tings to do wif a funeral is funny but wth..
FUNERAL spells REAL FUN if u rearrange it.
heeheehee.
bryans in NS.
so i cant talk to him.
bleah....
freakin NS.
no air con.
can die...
lols.
im bored.
n theres no one to entertain me.
(x_X)
okie i shall go n play neopets n entertain myself.
peace out--
...sometyms i remember
the darkness of my past
bringing back these memories
i wish i didnt have
sometyms i tink of letting go
n never looking back
n never moving forward so there'll
nEvEr bE a pAsT
if i could change
i would
take all the pain
i would
retrace every wrong move that i made
i would
if i could
stand up and take all the blame
i would
i would take all my shame to the grave
Just watching it
inside
All of the helplessness
as ive
Pretending I dont feel
misplaced...
Its so much simpler than change...
21:18
25.11.03
mood .:+:. [tired.]
listening to .:+:. [avril lavigne--complicated]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cold. im freezing my ass off.]
just got off the phone wif bryan...he's gg back into camp soon.
lols...poor guy.
poor all the guys who hafta spend 2 freakin years in NS.
once again...
tHaNkEw GoD fOr mAkiNg mE a fEmaLe. lol.
logged into chatroom earlier.
man the freakin channel is so0o full of either oversexed or deprived ppl.
"hi, im hot."
"wanna play?"
and the worst one.
the bastard: hi, wanna meet for pizza n sex?
me: er no.
the bastard: why not...you dont like pizza?
(-.-)"
OH MY DEAR GOD.
like NO im am NOT risking the rest of my future on a piece of rubber a few mm thick.
spent today out shopping. bleeeeahs.
first go ikea.
walk n walk n walk.
then j8.
walk somemore.
then my mom's idea of heaven: cold storage.
and walk somemore.
man i mustve done a bloody marathon.
*yawns*
yup im gonna go listen to the new cds i bought liaos...
WOW worship rAwKxX man~!!!
...[zam if ur readin tis DONT tell me it sounds BC becoz it does NOT and anyway iM a cHrIsTiAn tOo]
lol.
but im not so sure if im realli realli goin to heaven...
hm maybe i'll burn in bad-girl hell when i die.
...i wonder wad bad-girl hell looks like.
maybe it doesnt have fire.
maybe its just a room...with no Net, no TV, no radio, no dressing table or bed or window or door...
just a table...
with lots n lots n LOTS of math books n chem equations...
n u hafta study for all eternity.
NOOOOO~!!! i'll be good i'll be good i pRoMiSe~~
lols.
im gonna slack off now.
peace---
19:18
21.11.03
mood .:+:. [sleepy.]
listening to .:+:. [pu tong peng you (regular friends)--david tao]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [nighty]
weather .:+:. [cold]
so bored.
no one to tok to.
bleahs.
im the kind of person that gets bored when theres no friend around or no one on the line for more than a few hours.
what can i say?
en socialite.
i cant live without my dudes n dudettes man.
which is probably why i cant live on a deserted island with nothing but a box of matches and a knife.
one reason being that theres no people.
second being that i'd most probably get the matches wet n lose the knife.
lols.
im bored. im keeping myself entertained by talking to myself online.
actually its quite entertaining--because theres someone to laugh at every lame joke i make.
haha.
hey, hell, i did it again.
this is fun.
wheeheehee.
if i keep this up the next person who reads this is gonna call up the IMH.
i just took a quiz to kill time.
personality definer.
according to it im the pUnK tYpE.
am i?
din know.
lol.
*yawn*
im reali reali bored.
i hafta go pick my sister up at around 920. one more bloody hour. siaaan.
waaaa.
wheres that bryan wen u need him??
oh yeah.
NS.
(x_X)
20:30
20.11.03
mood .:+:. [tired. veri veri tired. but happy.]
listening to .:+:. [shakespeare's way with words--one true voice]
eating .:+:. [hersheys kisses]
drinking .:+:. [ginger ale]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [fair?]
went ice skatin today.
whoo hoo.
fun sia...
but now my legs r achin.
oh oWtCh.
n so is my heart.
why did HE have to be there...?
WHY THE HELL did the guys hafta invite him...??
lol, yeah, he's their friend.
but how am i supposed to explain to them that everytym i see him my whole world crashes?
like, i go into a mental flashback of things that i want to forget.
*iF oNLy i hAd sHaKeSpEaReS wAy wIf wOrDs...lalalala...*
lol wadeva.
talked to bryan on the fone today...
that lifted the *bleah* mood a little.
no, aLOT.
yep.
*grins*
mux go skatin again soon.
but no HIM.
maybe next tym i go..
i'll call bryan?
lol, i'll see how.
gotta find a day when he's NOT IN CAMP first.
that bloody NS.
TGIF.
Thank God Im Female.
lol...well gotta go type some crappy testimonial for my darling *rights.* zAmPiLLaR tootykana.
wahahas.
log off liaos then.
18:43
17.11.03
mood .:+:. [sian sian]
listening to .:+:. [over my head better off dead--sum 41]
eating .:+:. [--]
drinking .:+:. [--]
time .:+:. [duno]
weather .:+:. [okok la.]
I AM: kristy the international popstar. [riiight.]
I WANT: You. lol.
I HAVE: a veri bad flu.
I WISH: my parents would just give up on me and
LeT mE dO wHaT i wAnT dAmMiT.
I HATE: backstabbers. sluts. and bastards wif
nth better to do than cheat pplx feelings. and most of all
myself, for letting the best guy that eva came into my
life go...
I MISS: er. someone? lol.
I FEAR: the one i love breaking my heart. or
losing the one i love.
I HEAR: my mom yelling at me and steps--i know
him so well
I SEARCH: 4 the perfect guy lol
I WONDER: why my parents cant leave me alone. oh
great my moms yelling again.
I REGRET: yelling bak at my parents when they
yell at me. coz now im grounded.
I LOVE: God. n myself. n all the ppl i care
about. lols
I ACHE: ...? (0.o) *blink blink*
I ALWAYS: eat. sleep. play. ;p oh and daydream
about... *gRiNx*
I AM NOT: a popstar. im actualy a multi millionaire.
I DANCE: quite okay i guess...esp DDR lols ;p
I SING: anywhere, anytym i want to. and no one
can stop me. muahahaha. :x
I CRY: when onion juice gets in my eyes. lol.
and when someone really breaks my heart..
I AM NOT ALWAYS: the bitch that i make myself
out to be..oni on bad days. lols.
I WRITE: Poems. stories. anything that comes
into my mind. oh yeah, and notes in class too.
I WIN: when i dont lose.
I LOSE: er....when i dont win? [...which happens
most of the tym.]
I CONFUSE: Myself.
I NEED: cash. lots and lots of cash. and a new
hp. ;p sTuPiD wAtErPrOoF sLiNgbAg~~
I SHOULDA: kept my mouth shut when my mom yelled
at me coz now she's yelling about how i yelled
at her and that i should learn to respect my
elders and blahblahblah..god.
Yes Or No
x. You keep a diary: Yup
x. You like to cook: yup...even though i end up
burning the stuff...sOmEtYmS lol
x. You have a secret you have not shared with:
Yup. hehehe.
x. You believe in love: someday...
The weirdest person you know: mE~!! ...or mayb
ah pang. yups.
The Loudest Person you Know: erm. adrian? *gRiNx*
The Sexiest Person you Know: er...uMm...*hEe*
Your closest friend(s): jingyi. yups..n melv
korkor.
The People that Knows the Most about you: you
mght think you know who i realli am, but youre
wrong. you'll never reali know me. im not the
kind to open my whole life to someone who im not
sure i can even trust. you might know a part of
me, but never enough to know me well. in fact,
never enough to know me at all.
-------------------------------------------------
Do You...?
Have a(any) crush(es): yup.
Want to get married: hms...if i find the right
guy, yeah, guess so.
...oh wait. i already found the right guy.
but he's not mine anymore.
waaaaaaa...
:x
Get motion Sickness: i got an iron stomach.
Think you're a health freak: i love chocolate.
Get along with your parents: lol. n0o0o.
Like thunderstorms: yupyup...rawkx man.
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: black
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: dyed copper brown.
EYE COLOR: hazel.
BIRTHPLACE: the north pole.
-----------------------------------
(FAVORITES )
NUMBER(S): 73~!!!!
COLOR: Black...orange pink n purple~!!!
DAY: any day that theres no skool
MONTH: september. ;p
CURRENT SONG: linkin park--easier to run
FOOD: cHoCoLaTE~!!!
SEASON: erm...autummn. yupyup
SPORT: ice skatin...and basketball...and p0oL~!!
if its considered a sport.
DRINK: cOcAcOLa
-------------------------------------------------
( PREFERENCES )
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT : cuddle
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE? depends on the
weather. lols.
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? dark. mMmMm~
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? ...chocolate. duhs.
----------------------------------------
note: this is the last 24 hours, not your life.
( IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU.... )
CRIED? yup.
HELPED SOMEONE? yup.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? yeah. food. and new earrings.
and nail polish. and notebook. and.....
GOTTEN SICK? i already AM sick.
GONE TO THE MOVIES? nope. ent a few days ago..*MATRIX RAWKXXX*
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? er. i cant rmb...*scratch head*
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? yup
TALKED TO AN EX? yup
MISSED AN EX? ...yup. *sighs* waaaa...
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? yup.
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? lol. i nEvEr tok serious.
MISSED SOMEONE? this qtn looks strangely
familiar...LIKE DUH. its getting kinda obvious here.
HUGGED SOMEONE? my bolster?
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? lol. yup.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? nahs...
PLAYED ANY GAMES ONLINE? nEoPeTs~!!!
DO YOU FEEL LONELY? lets see...im all alone at home, im
sick, i cant go out and my fwens r all out. aNd i
mIsS HiM~~ u tell me.
19:13
mood .:+:. [tired]
listening to .:+:. [a song thats stuck in my head]
eating .:+:. [chocs]
drinking .:+:. [water]
time .:+:. [duno. too tired to look.]
weather .:+:. [er. see above.]
I AM VERY STRESSED.
I AM VERY TIRED.
I HAVE MUSCLE CRAMPS.
I HAVE AN AUDITION IN 7 DAYS TIME THAT I HAVE NOT PRACTICED FOR.
and to top it all off...
I HAVE MY PERIOD.
ARGH.
i am going to SCREAM and i will SCREAM so loud hopefully the hdb will fall down and crush me and bury me forever so i can die a quick death and go to heaven where there are no more muscle cramps, auditions and periods.
I WANNA GET INTO THE GALA NITE~!!
waaaa.
that means i have to beat a total of about 11 groups.
with seven days of practice.
i am so gonna DIE.
bleah.
nono i can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me. anyway winning is not such a big deal. its all about having fun~!! *gRiNx*
right. who am i trying to kid. ~~hais.
im so sleepyyyy...
and my crush on HIM isnt getting any better.
i wish it'd stop.
no...i wish he'd crush me 2.
yup. lols...
IWISHIWISHIWISHIWISHIWISHIWISH....
yeah like wishings gonna help.
nvm...i'll just resign myself to a romanceless, boyfriendless future.
unless the guy im waiting for decides to...
18:32
16.11.03
mood .:+:. [lol. i oso duno.]
listening to .:+:. [wherever you will go--the calling]
eating .:+:. [nil]
drinking .:+:. [oso nil]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cool]
i cant fall in love again.
i cant.
icanticanticantincanticanticant.
arr.
i HATE this. love SUCKS. bleah.
its always the ppl you like who DONT like you.
n the ppl you DONT like who like you.
talk abt unreguided--
unrequiged..
unrequiited..
arr.
UNREQUITED.
yesh. unrequited love. [<---HONG~!!! stupid bird.]
bleah.
and i had to ask zampillar how to spell anouncements...no wait. AnOuNnCeMeNtS. yup. stupid influence...like tootykana would say, "hong yew's all pervading will, girl."
wadeva pervading means.
oh btw if youre from lsbc...READ THE ANNOUNCEMENT~!!
0.o
i spelt it right.
lol, maybe theres some hope for me after all....is there, zam?
im bored.
n disilisioned.
...
disillusioned.
i need english lessons.
i hate having crushes.
crushes suck.
esp crushes that are only one-way crushes.
and im not on the receiving end.
eniwae im tired, bored, ive got a cold n im missing someone terribly so i think im gonna give my messed up brain n my messed up life a rest.
[its funny how i tend to live in the past...cos i wreck my life more with each passing second..so the past is always, ALWAYS better than the present. dont remind me about the future. i reali DONT wanna know.]
im going to sleep.
goodnight yalls...peace.
19:36
15.11.03
mood .:+:. [tired]
listening to .:+:. [provocative--the usual suspects]
eating .:+:. [chocs]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [rainy]
i am never wearing heels again. never. ot in my whole ENTIRE LIFE. no WAY.
gosh. my legs hurt.
n now alekx is mad at me. n ivan. n jun an. n whoeva was doing the teasing...guess we did overdo it. aLOT...but i guess shes mad at me, mainly. okie, if i was her, i'd be able to laff at myself but yeahs...i gotta rmb that ppl rnt me...n im not other ppl...bleah.
i better go apologise.
18:05
11.11.03
mood .:+:. [happie]
listening to .:+:. [blue--you make me wanna]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [fair]
haha...just realised ive an affinity for R&B. so now its alternative and punk rock, techno, n R&B. jees...i i tink i like almost every kinda music. lols.
waiting for the dye on my hair to dry off so i can go wash it...i gotta go meet alekx at church at 4...so now im just slackin waiting 4 4pm...eniwae gabys out playin badminton so i cant call him to chat...*yawn* today is an officialy boring day. *SiGhX*
playing neopets now...and that stupid dark faerie give me the quest so difficult n now i drop from level 6 to 1.
bleeeeah.
hahas. today when i going skool that tym then there was this group of yuying sec guys gg jogging...tink abt 10+ of them...then lol, got this guy wif one black eye ask me for my number n stuff...lol. lame sias. he's quite cute la...but abit lame rite. hahas eniwae it was a gd morale booster. hehes.
..ok tyms up. i can go wash my hair now. byebye. ;p
15:10
2.11.03
mood .:+:. [a bit happy, a bit sad]
listening to .:+:. [caught in the middle--a1]
eating .:+:. [pineapple]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cold]
happie~!! except 4 one ting...today was a gReAt day ahahas...went biking wif simon n delia...go to tampines road then cycle round and round and round and round this damn big, boring carpark that got alot alot of hUgE trucks...my god so0o scary. i mean, i scare i neva see properly then one of the trucks r actualy reversing then crush me..(0.o)
okay, what actualy freaked me was simon. t0oPiD eedert first fake wanna crash into me...then go behind me and go b0o right in my ear...then make me cycle so0o fast...*complain complain complain* haix...jees man i know he got new nike with all the accessories but stil no need show off until liddat rites....kAoSsSs....haha kidding..
oh today i got the gift of tongues~!!! yAYYy so0o0o damn happy man :) finally...ive been waiting for so0o damn long liaos...haha wad can i say, God is good man~! ;p yepyeps...happie happie happie.... :D
theres oni one thing that could make me sad on this perect day....three letters. sam. yep. aGaIn. dont ask me why...coz if ur someone that i trust...u shld know. *shrugs*
[yesterday..all my troubles seemed so far away..now it looks as though theyre here to stay..i believe in yesterday..suddenly..im not half the girl i used to be..theres a shadow hanging over me..yesterday came suddenly...
why he had to go
i dont know
he wouldnt say
i said something wrong
how i long
for yesterday...] ...*sobs*
20:51
