21.1.04
mood .:+:. [tired.]
listening to .:+:. [BBmak--ghost of you and me]
eating .:+:. [ferrero rocher]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [okay larh.]
//the stupidest thing i said today//
["zao shen gui zi." >>CNY and i was fishing for a greeting phrase. means "may you get kids early"...but i said it to my unmarried aunt.<<]
+:.what am i supposed to do
with all these blues
haunting me, everywhere
no matter what i do
watch the candle flickering
in the evening glow
i cant let go
when will the night be over
i didnt mean to fall in love with you
and baby theres a name for what you put me through
it isnt love; its robbery
im sleeping with the ghost of you and me.:+
had a good day today.
CNY eve, so had reunion dinner...
but didnt really eat anything much.
i gotta watch my weight before i swell up into a puffer fish and die from fats.
lols.
went out with marcus today after school for lunch.
:D
oh and bought the mac donalds sapphire monkey.
:D
but thats not the reason why i keep going--> :D
its cos i WENT OUT WITH HIM.
:D
yay...and he's a really really nice guy. like, REALLY nice.
:D
oh and he looks so damn cute.
:D
kkae, enough of :D's...i think the :D says it all.
and if youre hoping, NO IM NOT GOING TO GO INTO THE DETAILS.
so stop giving me tt hopeful look. [esp ivan korkor. i KNOW ur reading this and DYING to know but im not telling. so there. hah. :P]
but i had a GREAT tym. :D
even though it was only two pathetic hours.
in fact, i could spend two pathetic miliseconds with him and still have a great time.
..
did i just say that?
god i sound a little too...yknow.
scratch that.
now he's online but he's BUSY.
and i WAN to tok to HIM~
irritatin sia. lols.
nvm la...can alwis tok to him another time.
...
arrr.
kkae im bored already i'll go do sth else to entertain myself.
happy CNY yalls~~
and happy collecting money too :)
peace out~
23:57
15.1.04
mood .:+:. [bored.]
listening to .:+:. [feeling this--blink182]
eating .:+:. [chocs]
drinking .:+:. [kickap0o0o0o~~]
time .:+:. [late afternoon]
weather .:+:. [normal?]
//the stupidest thing i said today//
["eh abi whats your name arh?" >>was kinda busy at the moment la. *hEe*<<]
+:.This place was never the same again
After you came and went
How could you say you meant anything different to anyone
Standing alone on the street with a cigarette on the first night we met
Look to the past and remember and smile
And maybe tonight I can breathe for a while
Im not in this scene I think Im falling asleep
But then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you
Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna.:+
another boring normal day today...
*yawns*
and im not coping with single life exactly well.
in fact its pretty boring.
but oh well.
life's like that.
but had quite a few good gunbound games today -GRIN-
like, ka-ching. hahaha. ($_$)
even tho its not real cash. good entertainment when ur bored.
like me.
gotta do some crappy book review... -_-"
BORING.
skoo like sucks big tym.
esp with all my kind fwens who KEEP REMINDING ME THEY ONI GOT N LEVELS AND I GOT O'S.
sigh.
maybe i shld fail my mid year n drop to normal and take my O's next year. *bullshiiiit~*
yeah, lols, wadeva.
i miss feebi...wonder what shes doing now.
she hasnt been comin to skoo...
heard shes not coming back.
-hais-
her crazy parents.
...or maybe it was her decision. -shrug-
and that STUPID LIMIN.
sometyms i feel like shes pushing her way in between me n jing.
can see it lorh...
body language.
and its sooo obvious...to me at least.
i can read ppls body language n in between the lines *ahem, jing, READ BETWEEN THE LINES WAHAHAHA* quite ok.
tats y im so good at lit. hahahaha.
-sigh-
dunno la...but sometimes i just feel like askin that FUCKING BITCH to PISS OFF.
but i cant la...cos, well, shes jing's fwen too what.
even though shes not really mine.
but its damn irritating.
its like this huge barricade [i mean it literally. ...hm tt was mean. lol.] is just making the gap btwn me n jing wider.
n jing is my best fwen of 3 years, almost 4.
n shes oni known jing for less than 2.
but whatever.
if jing n me r real fwens then i guess even limin cant break it apart.
but its irritating~~~
like, when i just wanna tok to jingyi alone for awhile, or just have some time ALONE with jing since LIMIN is having it most of the tym...and then this stupid ger appears and--
arr.
then i was gonna sit with jing this year, cos i never got to sit with her b4. so since we met in the canteen on the first day we sat together in class.
but THEN this limin person come and INSIST jingyi sit with her.
so now im sitting alone.
y? cos i let her sit with jing.
and then now everytym during lesson they both keep toking to each other and im toking to my books or my imaginary partner.
and ive been sitting alone for the whole of last year oso.
AM I SOME KIND OF BLOODY SOCIAL REJECT OR DO I HAVE SARS OR AIDS OR LEPROSY OR SOME KINDA DEADLY VIRUS THAT I ALWAYS GET KICKED OUT OF WADEVA GROUP IM IN???
argh.
whateverrr.
i'll try not to care.
-sigh-
TRY.
i wanna go JC n study teen psychology hahaha.
then i can psycho all my fwens.
-evil grin-
nah. just kidding.
im not so mean hahahaha.
sorri. abit high today. must be the chocolate.
:P
i dun wanna go for tuition laterrrrrrr....
i HATE chinese tuition.
BORING SHIT MAN.
sigh.
should i go to JC or poly...?
*thinks hard*
forget it.
i go ITE.
wheeheehee~~~~
(. _ .)
okie, i tink i better go do sth else before i go bonkers.
wait...i already am. LOLs.
[ and why do i keep tokking about skoo today?? mi god. i gotta do sth about it. this is NOT me.]
17:51
14.1.04
mood .:+:. [erMm.]
listening to .:+:. [hold on--good charlotte]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [hot sia.]
+:.your days,
you say there way too long
and your nights,
you cant sleep at all
hold on
and youre not sure what your waiting for
but you dont want to know more
and youre not sure what your looking for
but you dont want to no more
but we all bleed the same way as you do
and we all have the same things to go through
hold on if you feel like letting go
hold on it gets better then you know
dont stop looking your one step closer
dont stop searching its not over
hold on.:+
right. had a boring day today. i think the rest of my days are gonna be pretty boring lols.
oh but bei claimed she saw a ghost in the toilet. and sharon cried in class today.
okay, teared.
whatever.
haha but its quite interesting...
BUT i would NOT go ghost hunting in my skool for a million bucks.
yeahs.
eniwae now since im currently pretty free, single, not searching and gotta do something to entertain myself and take up my time.
my moms trying to pressure me to take up taekwondo but i think my screaming's enough self defence.
s0o0...
im gonna try to change my attitude.
shocked?
yeah good.
hahahaha.
not my whole attitude...i would NOT trade my sarcasticness for anything in the world.
got as jo says, yeah i need to be a little less "wild".
like, rebellious.
okay, so i like my wildness too...
but im not gonna wipe it out completely cos i love it too much.
muahahaha.
but i guess its gotta tone down
...n some things gotta go.
for example i gotta start doing my homework.
which reminds me i got tons to cop--er, DO, so i gotta go now.
byebye.
16:40
13.1.04
mood .:+:. [heartbroken]
listening to .:+:. [say it isnt so--gareth gates]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cold]
+:.how can i be smiling like before
when baby you dont love me anymore
say it isnt so
tell me youre not leaving
say youve changed your mind now
and i am only dreaming
this is not goodbye
this is starting over
say im not wide awake
if you wanna know i dont wanna let go
so say it isnt so.:+
its official.
nick ditched me.
so now im single again.
but that is so NOT an advert cos im gonna stay single.
i dont wanna get attached again.
at least not for a long long time.
im scared to get hurt again...
just like the way he broke my heart.
maybe it wasnt all his fault. i just put too much into the relationship...too much hope n effort...and it just didnt work out n smashed all my dreams n stuff.
thats y im feeling so damn crushed now.
maybe i hope too much sometyms.
but i want him back.
i still love him.
and it hurts when you still love someone but he dont love you...and you love him till youd do anything, fight for him, lie for him, even die for him...and still love him so much even though he lied...and didnt really love you as much as you loved him...and when you dont care whether he loves you less or not at all...because all that matters is his happiness...and that he has what he wants, even if it means him instead of me.
i really love him...but love comes with sacrifice. and if he wants to go i have to let him go...i cant stop him anyway. but it sucks to know that even though he treated me like that...id take him back anytime i could. i'd do anything just to win back his love for me...
god i am SUCH a FRIGGIN HOPELESS IDIOT.
but loves like that i guess...i mean once u give your heart to someone you give it all...and you never really get it back.
maybe years and years down the road i can move on...but not now.
i really miss him.
but i hope he finds someone he really loves n can really make him happy. i just hope that someone is me.
there must be sth wrong with me...maybe i did sth wrong n made him stop loving me. cos i never really deserved someone like him...i dont tink i ever will. maybe i pissed him off or said sth wrong...yeah there must be something wrong with me.
but im gonna stay single for now...dont tink i wanna look around at other guys.
cos now theres oni one guy i wanna look at..
but hes not looking at me.
20:29
7.1.04
mood .:+:. [sick]
listening to .:+:. [bent--don richmond]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.so you think youre happy...
well im bent on loving you
bent on loving--
feels like i cant let go
when youre inside outside
outside in
feels like im losing control.:+
yupp...went to watch school of rock with nick on monday...
had a great time.
but then again anytym's a great tym when nick's around.
hahahaha.
yup...
got caught by the VP today for polished nails and loose belt and not-properly-worn shoes and un-bunned hair and breaking practically every single rule about attire.
oh and i was wearing the bands nick gave me too.
the only thing she didnt catch was the earsticks.
because another teacher already confiscated those.
lol.
looks like my resolution to be a good girl this year isnt working.
i should just drop the whole thing.
yeah i think i will.
-grin-
man...i really miss nick aLOT.
just two days after seeing him and im missing him like i havent seen him in a millenium.
even though i dont think i can live long enough to not see him in a millenium.
LOLx.
yeah...but i really wish that he was here.
or i could grow up faster.
or something.
and now his dad banned him from using the phone.
bleeah. (x_X)
its ok its ok i can wait. (^^)
...
-sigh-
lolzz.
last time we used to talk on the fone for hours.
and now its like, 10 minutes or less??
but its better than nothing at all i guess.
things will get better after awhile. i hope.
eniwayYyYy~~
i just read this uber cool romance novel. and theres this paragraph thats just so0o uber sweet i just gotta log it in.
hahaha.
im not gonna mention which novel it is in case youve read it and you get so freaked by the fact that i actualy read such soppy books that youre gonna go WHY THE HELL DID I WANT HER AS MY FRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE.
so here goes.
*She looked at him and smiled. In the candlelight her face seemed to glow, and the soft gold light danced in her eyes. She never looked more beautiful than now, he thought.
"I've never loved anyone more than you," she whispered.
His muscles tensed and she felt it. "And you think you know what love is?" He asked.
"I dont think anyone can really know what love is exactly. But...I know that love is when you meet someone you care about enough to die for, to slave for, to wait years just to hear his voice or see his face, enough to do anything and everything you can, just to keep that person happy. And in the end, you forget about yourself, because all you want is to see that person smile, because his happiness is your happiness. And when he holds you, for that moment everything is right in the world, because he
is your world, your life, and your everything. And..." She paused to look him in the eye, "It doesnt really matter if he doesnt seem to love you as much as you love him. Love given never guarantees love returned. Real love doesnt expect anything back. And just because someone doesnt love you the way you want them to...it doesnt mean that they dont love you with all their heart." *
lol. yeah.
sweet right??
and when i read this y'know what?
i could oni think of one name.
cos thats the way i feel about him.
EXACTLY the way i feel about him.
four letter word that starts with a N and ends with a K.
need i say more?
lolx.
and if after this you feel like puking your guts out and severing all ties with me go right ahead [unless youre jingyi. then i will soOo MURDER you. hahahaha.] if you cant stand being fwens wif me, just remember that you were the dork sitting all alone in the corner in the first place. and think again. -winks-
21:41
4.1.04
mood .:+:. [tired]
listening to .:+:. [milkshake--kelis]
eating .:+:. [belgian chocolates]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [nightynight]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and theyre like,
its better than yours
damn right
its better than yours
i could teach you but i'll hafta charge.:+
okay so its another year again.
another year of chalky classrooms and boring classes and yelling teachers and stacks of homework and crazy exams...
and all-girl classmates.
and O LEVELS.
like waddafrigginhell.
aaaaahhh noooo.
i cant believe im sec 4 already.
I DONT WANNA BE SEC 4~~~
-cries-
lol.
jees man i hayyyyte skool.
damn the MOE.
i'll burn the skool down muahahahaha.
...okay so maybe i dont have the guts to la but wadda heck...
eniwae...
im dyeing my my hair back to the original colour which is black bcos of the blardie DM.
arr.
she's nice but I WISH SHE WOULD STOP TELLING PPL TO DYE BACK THEIR HAIR.
lol.
thats wad i hate about skool.
as if life hasnt got enough rules....
MOE just has to make more.
bleah.
and everywhere i turn its all gurls.
i mean, nhs wrong wif that but...
it can get a lil' boring after 10 years.
lol, maybe im just not gurl skool material.
been feeling kinda "kicked out" by everyone the past few days...my boyfwen, skool fwens [jing you know who im tokking abt] and even church fwens.
sighs.
eniwae i gtg now. gota take the nail polish off my hands.
bye gdnite.
oh btw...this cryptic sentence just came to my mind and if ur smart enuff you'll know wad it means. LOL.
+:.[look into the eyes of the one you hate and see yourself inside.
look into the soul of the rejected and see someone just like you.].:+
22:41
