29.2.04
mood .:+:. [in some weird mood. the kind where u dont know exactly wad mood ur in. but its definitely not happy.]
listening to .:+:. [emotion--destinys child]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [tea. lols.]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [rainy.]
//the stupidest thing i said today// ["hahaha. oh shit--hahahahahahahahahahaha..." >>burst out laughing in my bedroom for no good reason. in fact, no reason at all. i must be psycho.<<]
+:. And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
to hold me tight
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight.:+
had cd pracr today till 4pm...man i nearly fell asleep.
i dont know why i suddenyl felt so sleepy...just walked into the room and felt like falling asleep right away.
must be the air-con.
oh and jun an lent me his old hp.
which means now i finally have some use for my SIM card thats on my table collecting dust. :)
lols.
and yeah, that guy is still as CLUELESS AS EVER.
i dont tink he'd notice even if i went up to him, gave him a hug and yelled in his face, "HEY, I LOVE YOU."
lol. actualy tt wouldnt be a bad idea. cos that way, i could get it out of my mouth and actualy get enough courage to TELL him...
and not feel the humiliation of him laughing and going, "haha, nice one, kid. man that was funny, hahaha."
or the heartbreak of him telling me, "well, im flattered...but erm, ive already got my eyes on someone...sorry, but tt girl isnt you."
or even worse---> *blink. blink. looks shocked and disgusted and every other bad emotion.* "um, ok." walks away.*
sigh.
im not even sure whether i shld let him know. i dont wanna spoil or lose the fwenship tt he n me have...even though im oni planning to tell him *if i ever tell him* next year.
oh well.
i guess all i can do now is WAIT.
just wait for him and wait for God to guide me.
like, maybe thats lame, but...
I CANT DO ANYTHING ELSE, CAN I???
lols.
if it was any other guy...i guess i wld have told him by now, esp after carrying a torch for tt guy for like, SO LONG, but i duno...
this ones different.
SPECIAL.
i mean...i dont wanna ruin it.
i rather stay fwens wif him forever than telling him n having him get so scared he takes a ticket to mars n never sees or talks to me again.
and i dont think he'll ever like me. he knows my history wif guys.
its er...not very good.
even though ive changed in that area now...decided to let go of my own stubborn ass and let God guide me and take charge and i just follow...
no more playing with guys.
no more going behind my parents back to go out wif my bf.
no more lies no more headaches no more heartbreaks.
a serious relationship or bust.
whoohoo.
but.
HE DOESNT KNOW THAT DOES HE.
bleah.
anyhooss...
my philosophy for today is that if your past hurts, FORGEDDABOUTIT.
its not like you can change anything in the past.
but you can change the future.
i can change the future.
i can change myself...and theres alot about me that needs fixing.
lols.
like, ALOT. TONS.
yeah...but ive found the easiest way to let go is to forget.
just concentrate on the future and what i have now...and on what God wants me to do with my life. *anything but study, God, PLEASE.*
ive been hurt by fwens, by boyfwens, shot myself so many tyms in the foot that im SICK of being a so-called rebel. whats freedom without freedom in Christ? :P
but ITS SO HARD.
im sick of trying and failing too. which is what happens everytym i try. lol.
try, fail, try again, fail again, try one more time, fail one more time blahblahblah.
ARGH.
STOP THE WORLD i want to GET OFF.
lols.
i feel like ive been so hurt im getting immune to all that emotional pain.
like, slowly dying inside. past the point of all pain.
used to it.
i dont want to be...but...
GOD HELP ME.
im in a mess here.
send someone who understands me like You do so they can help me to understand myself. *preferably the guy i like?*
lols.
WHAT are u trying to teach me, Lord?
what is it that im not learning?????
yeh...but if theres one person i dont mind getting hurt by, its HIM. that guy. :P
18:37
28.2.04
mood .:+:. [bleah.]
listening to .:+:. [my dad scoldin me.]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [duno, lazy check]
weather .:+:. [normal larh.]
yay, finally done all the html editing.
no tym ta blog now.
blardie *adds another few swear words* father n mom asking me get off the comp go do my friggin' *adds some more swear words* homework so...
yeah byee.
blog in later maybe. but dont count on it.
14:20
26.2.04
mood .:+:. [on a high]
listening to .:+:. [toxic--britney spears]
eating .:+:. [gummybearrrrr~!!!]
drinking .:+:. [water]
time .:+:. [i can see stars. it must be in the morning. :)]
weather .:+:. [its winterrrrr. :))]
//the stupidest thing i said today//
[me: jingyi i want the happy rotter book.
JY: the WHAT?
me: the HAPPY ROTTER book. i want to read.
JY: happy--harry potter larh you.
me: isnt that what i said. HAPPY ROTTER.
>>makes you just wanna give up on me, doesnt it. -grin- <<]
+:.[Baby, cant you see
Im calling
A guy like you
Should wear a warning
Its dangerous
Im fallin]
With a taste of your lips
Im on a ride
Youre toxic
Im slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
Im addicted to you
Dont you know that youre toxic
And I love what you do
Dont you know that youre toxic.:+
sukky day in skoo 2day.
got a heck load of backlog that im supposed to do but its so fucked over i cant find the worksheets now.
and all i can find are CHINESE worksheets and theres NO WAY i am gonna even touch them.
bleah.
oh and the guy i like?
still as clueless as ever.
sometimes the stupidity of the male species shocks me.
LOL.
i mean, im dropping hints like a deranged osama dropping bombs...
and he still has NO IDEA.
[and ivan if youre reading this, no im not gonna mention his name. so dont hope too much. sorry dude. lols.]
he is sooo blur.
and its irritating cos i like him like, soooo much?
ARGH.
anyway...nth i can do.
he oni sees me like a sister at the most. so yeah.
why do i ALWAYS fall for the guys i can never have???
im so IRRITATING.
HE is so irritating.
this WORLD is irritating.
BLEAH.
hahahahahaha.
sorry, im abit, erm, high.
ate to much gummybears i tink wahahaha.
oh and since i havent been updating for awile, guys im sorry, ive been trying to get all the html right.
yeah.
but anyway, picking up from my last entry, marcus and i are officialy done with.
not that we started anything.
lol.
yeah.
and now im single.
not advertising cos ive already targeted a guy.
and if i cant get him i dont want no one else.
not at the moment, anyway. LOL.
22:26
