30.3.04
mood .:+:. [hyper. weeeee.]
listening to .:+:. [this love--maroon 5]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [hot.]
weeee.
went on a quiz spree today.
went to ivans bloggie...then after tt went around kopping quizzes from his fwens. [see below.]
bwahahahaha.
[no, all the way below.]
yeh.
enihoos...
today got mass temperature taking, then 4got to bring my thermometer.
din wanna buy a new one so i freaked and called my mom and got her to bring it to skoo 4 me.
haha, the advantages of living nearby.
-grin-
went over to jings house n watched anime VCDs [hotohori is sooo shuai but GOD i cant stand his emperor talk] and slacked around...
burnt my hand with a heck lot of hot water and it HURTS [jingyi im so gonna get u 4 that] but its okay...
still hurts alot though.
bleah.
ivan just told me that my life revolves around that guy...
well, not my whole life, but...
HELL RIGHT HE IS.
hahaha.
but theres more important things in life than him.
for example, God, and....
um....
okay, just God.
lol. guess i really like him THAT much.
which is a blessing and a curse at the same time but oh well...
look on the bright side.
gotta go write my story now.
ciao.
You are a very cool vampire, you rank as a
Mercenary. You are a deadly vampire and not one
to fuck with, your deal with weapons and great
fighting skills are outstanding. Your wardrobe
would consist of black leather full boby suits
trench coats and so on. You are not asshamed to
be a vampire and you use your gift for your own
advantage, your job paying highly you are never
short of money. You are a deadly killing
machine, and yet irrisistible to humans and
vampires alike. Please rate this quiz!
What Kind Of Vampire Would You Be? (Cool answers, AND FOR GILRS UNLESS YOU ARE A CROSSDRESSER)! brought to you by Quizilla
LOVING ONE. You need safety in your relationship.
You want to be sure in his/her arms, knowing
that he will protect you and you can be totally
devoted to your other. At this point you are
very vulnerable. You open yourself and dont
even think that he/she could cheat you. You
totally trust your partner in every single way.
SO if you find out that she/he lied to you or
played a game this trust is broken. You may try
to forgive your other but this will be very
difficult.He/She has to be friendly and
trustworthy.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.
You can always message me or tell me how I can
improve that quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~ brought to you by Quizilla
You're the super-slacker!! Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. And you come to school so
un-often, your teachers have pratically
forgotten that you even exist. Go, you slacker,
you!!
Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
You are the Aqua Marine Mermaid. You are pure and
brave. Strong and True. Your best freind is
your seahorse, your steed. You have fought many
battles in your own life and in the sea. No
matter what challenge you overcome it.
Congratulations there are very few of you.
Would you rate my quiz for I am brave too?
What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics) brought to you by Quizilla
You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have
your pet peeves, but other than that, you're
mainly calm. Blending in with your
surroundings, you're the type of person who
everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks
jokes at social gatherings - after all,
laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you
pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you
could be the next Einstein.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla
You belong in the world of balance, where
everything has two sides and everything is not
always what it appears on the outside. Of
course, if you have a sense of humor, you may
find employment as a sarcastic comedian. If
not, enjoy the choices that are presented to
you through life, they will always have two
sides to them,one which leads you to the light,
and the other which entrenches you in darkness.
Walk on with hope, my friend.
Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES) brought to you by Quizilla
You are Ephesians.
Which book of the Bible are you? brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Rebel. Most likely you skip school and
the teachers are happy you do. You are a
trouble maker and loves to be different. With
your hair colored and clothes rocky you stand
out like a horse with chickens. You would be a
good rockstar. Please rate my quiz it is very
rocky and punky?
The Ultimate Personality Quiz (PRETTY PICS) brought to you by Quizilla
SUPER-SUPPORTIVE: You're an amazing friend to have!
No one messes with your buds when you're
around. Go girl! But rememeber one thing: Don't
get your feeling hurt when friends are not
always willing to make the same sacrifices!
Would you please rate my quiz, my fellow
chicka? You don't have to or anything of
course, but i'd apreciate it so much if you
would! Thanks girl!
Do YOU really STAND-UP for YOUR FRIENDS? (For da' LADIES only please!) brought to you by Quizilla
19:15
28.3.04
mood .:+:. []
listening to .:+:. []
eating .:+:. []
drinking .:+:. []
time .:+:. []
weather .:+:. []
now the veil is torn away from
the mirror of my past
hear the voices calling
to stand witness against myself
look into my own reflection
through the broken glass
no longer what i thought i knew
have i changed that much
drowning in the sea of my deceit
look how far ive fallen
six feet from the edge, im thinking
six feet isnt that far down
still held prisoner of my past
beyond hope of salvation
the pain inside the tears ive cried
living, waiting only to die
night has fallen here to stay
i will never see the dawn again
cant someone hear me screaming
do they even care
bury my soul beneath the depths
died inside so long ago
too ashamed of what i am inside
numb to all emotion
driven far beyond all pain
past the point of no return
will i ever smile again
everytime i try i fall
will i ever break these chains at all
save me, heal my broken wings
teach me how to fly again
im so sorry this is how it ends
so sorry
i cant be perfect.
18:11
26.3.04
mood .:+:. [damn pissed off.]
listening to .:+:. [nth.]
eating .:+:. [nth.]
drinking .:+:. [nth.]
time .:+:. [duno. night lorh.]
weather .:+:. [ok lorh. normal.]
i am damn pissed off.
my dad and mom started quarrelling today cos of my results.
quarrelled really bad n loud.
you think i'd be scared.
but im not.
cos after they quarrelled my dad n mom both told me its my fault they quarrelled.
that problems n quarrels like this all start with me.
my fault.
im the one who started it, im the one who made them quarrell.
its always my fault.
i always cant do anything right.
im always not good enough.
thats what they tell me and thats what they mean under all the words n things they say.
that ive got to be better. get A's. be a model student n teacher's pet.
then they will stop quarrelling.
they always quarrell, then after that blame it on me.
for the same reasons. over and over again.
i want it to stop...i want it to all go away.
but i know it never will.
this is my life. till the day i move out i'll never hear the end of it.
never hear the end of the quarrells or the scolding or the blaming.
i cant take this. everyone has a breakin point and ive reached mine.
..
you want me to be the straight-A student, the teachers pet, the perfect girl.
fine. i will.
if thats what will make you stop quarrelling.
but understand that im not doing it for you, or because you asked me to.
you dont mean a thing to me anymore.
im doing it for myself--so i dont have to endure the noise of you two acting like kids n yelling at each other.
i'll be what you want me to be.
i'll be everything you want me to be--
everything except your daughter.
you mean nothing to me now.
nothing.
you're dead to me as a father and mother as far as i know.
i'll obey you, if thats what you want.
but dont expect me to love you.
cos i wont. i will never again.
if anyone taught me how to hate, hate to the extreme, hate till i can find no depth or fathom it...
its you.
you shattered my world the day you walked into my room and blamed me for everything.
you broke that picture i had of a happy family every time u quarrell.
i used to feel guilty every time i treated you bad.
but i know i never will again.
i used to love you then...but now its different.
things will never be the same.
and nothing you can say or do can get to me or hurt me anymore.
cos i died inside a long time ago.
died to myself, to you, to all the pain and rejection i get in life.
its easier to block out the pain than to hold fast and keep your chin up through it.
im past the point of all pain.
nothing can hurt me anymore. nothing.
not you, not friends, not even my future boyfriend.
all the pain you gave made me numb to it--but it also made me strong.
now i can take whatever life throws at me.
i guess i gotta thank you in a way.
you taught me how love can change, and you taught me that people say one thing but mean another. you taught me trust isnt a reality. you taught me that in the world, in the end, you stand alone. you taught me how to lie, how to go to any length to get what i want, how to hate.
you taught me how to survive in this dog-eat-dog world and im thankful for that, dad and mom.
but its probably the only thing i'll ever thank you for.
dont get me wrong, im not all bad.
i love my friends. i'd do anything for them, anything.
i'd go to any length n distance to help them, to be there for them, to stand up and fight for them, to be someone they can count on.
i'd even die for them.
cos i know what its like not to have someone like that...and i want the people i love to have what i dont.
i dont want them to be like me.
i love my friends. i really do.
funny how a person can be so extreme--love so deeply and hate so badly.
funny how i can hate you so much and still love others to the extreme.
its funny how you'll never see the inside of me and see how much i hate you...
when you think im obeying you cos i love you.
yeah. when you think about it, its really funny.
this is the last time im calling you dad and mom and meaning it.
this is the last time you'll ever really have me as your daughter.
cos i hate you.
i dont like the idea of hating someone so much.
im someone born to love and give, not to hate.
but i guess circumstances and the stuff life brings can change a person.
thankfully i only hate you.
cos i hate you so much if i carried more hate in me to hate anyone else, i'd explode.
and i dont wanna hate anyone else.
cos when i hate, i really hate.
and no one deserves that.
except you.
wanna know how much i hate you?
id hate you even if you were me.
id hate you even if it'd cost me my life.
and to the day i die i'll never say sorry.
i'll never take this back.
i apologise when i say things i dont mean, or when im in the wrong.
but i cant say sorry when i say i hate you...
and mean it.
but im sorry you'll lose this daughter.
and im sorry you were never understanding enough to hear me out or listen to me or just look and see the person crying behind this mask.
and im sorry you'll never get to know how much i hate you.
you'd be pretty amazed.
22:45
19.3.04
[bold the stuff that relates to you.]
1. I can not draw.
2. I have strange eating habits.
3. i am currently obsessed with maroon
4. I love xanga
5. I just ate a sandwich
6. I am from a house (dunno what the hell this is)
7. I was born in October.
8. I enjoy reading.
9. I am not on anti-depressants, yet.
10. I bite my nails like a lil bitch
11. I am in love with Johnny Knoxville.
12. I like English class.
13. I've lost/fucked up my cell phone twice.
14. I hope someday I'll find happiness.
15. I'm about 5'6"
16. I like sports.
17. I am quick witted.
18. I often stare into nothing.
19. I like board games
20. I appreciate gratitude
21. I can usually sleep even when I'm not tired.
22. I am too lazy.
23. I hate the smell of movie popcorn.
24. I constantly procrastinate.
25. I have never done hardcore drugs before.
26. I drink alcohol.
27. I wish I had better grades.
28. I love chocolate.
29. Stupid people amuse me.
30. I hate when people judge others without knowing them.
31. I love hot chocolate
32. I like *some* kids
33. I hate cabbage.
34. I dress casually.
35. I am judgmental.
36. I don't have a favorite television show.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. I am single.
39. I go to ECR.
40. I like Garlic Bread
41. I am an optimist.
42. I love winter.
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I can be harsh
45. It annoys me when people disrespect nature.
46. I am a hypocrite.
47. I wish I could vote in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I am trustworthy.
49. I wish I could play guitar or sing.
50. I want to get my hair cut.
51. The silence after a long discussion when you're trying to think of what to say next is terrible.
52. I burn my own cd's.
53. I am not passive.
54. The best thing about a guy is his personality.
55. I often put others before myself.
56. I hate it when I don't understand what the lyrics of a song mean.
57. My mother is a fucking bitch.
58. I am currently smoke-free.
59. I'm half asian and half white.
60. Stupid people really confuse me.
61. I like showers.
62. I love surprises.
63. I'm not fond of confrontation.
64. Sometimes I laugh about absolutely nothing.
65. The known makes me uneasy.
66. I am perfectly comfortable with knowing that I will eventually die.
67. I hate cold showers.
68. I speak just to fill silence.
69. I am afraid of not having control over my future.
70. I wish I could visit New York.
71. I like to keep life exciting.
72. I have ran into a tree.
73. I have walked into windows.
75. I don't know how to play pool.
76. My favorite sport to watch is basketball.
77. I learn song lyrics quickly.
78. I like candles.
79. I like school sometimes.
80. I am annoyed by phony people.
81. I have studied one language besides English in my life.
82. I don't have a favorite color
83. I am avoiding homework
84. I usually hold doors
85. I have 1 sister.
86. I don't like when people brag
87. I had a bad camping experience.
88. I want to find love.
89. I like people with a really good sense of humor.
90. I like taking my time, yet I'm impatient with others.
91. I was just on the phone.
92. I like color coordinating my clothes.
93. My hair is brown.
94. I have never dyed my hair.
95. I reminisce to myself a lot.
96. I am fond of Dave Matthews Band.
97. I don't know who Saul Williams is.
98. I am not a needy person.
99. My bedroom is always messy.
100. I don't like some fancy jewelry.
20:08
mood .:+:. [sick. erm, physically sick.]
listening to .:+:. [high--kurt nilsen]
eating .:+:. []
drinking .:+:. []
time .:+:. []
weather .:+:. []
[edited version of high]
+:.First class and fancy free
he's high society
he's got the best of everything
What could a girl like me
Ever really offer?
he's perfect as he can be
Why should I even bother?
'Cause he's so high...
High above me, he's so lovely
he's so high...
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite
he's so high...
High above me
he comes to speak to me
I freeze immediately
'Cause what he says sounds so unreal
But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen .:+
i feel soOo sick.
bleah.
i throat is sore and now ive got a really really sexy voice. LOL.
and my nose is running like a tap.
this sounds sick but its amazing how much mucus i can generate in one day.
LOL.
ok tt was sick. ewww.
at least the fevers breaking.
and theres cell bonding today.
noooo i dont wanna miss cell bonding...
*waaaaaa*
lol.
man. i feel really sick.
havent seen doctor yet.
lazy to go.
but maybe i shld...im feeling terrible.
hehs.
yesterday when the guy i like heard i was sick he sounded pretty concerned.
ok, i know its weird to be happy about small things like tt...
but hey, im crazy about the guy.
LOL.
but maybe he was just concerned cos im his "little sister".
bleah.
hate this man.
its soooo hard to tell.
hahas...
oh well. im too sick to think.
so i'll just think tt he just cares about his little sister alot.
i refuse to let myself hope too much.
its practically impossible...
but tt doesnt mean im giving up...
i'll tell him...one day.
haha.
11:28
14.3.04
mood .:+:. [happy. cos im talking to the guy i like. hahaha.]
listening to .:+:. [a little while--janet jackson]
eating .:+:. [fruit.]
drinking .:+:. [nth.]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cold]
hey.
i have nothing to blog in today.
jus went over to li en's house to help her sew up a halterneck for her costume.
turned out quite ok.
even though my sewing skills suck.
yeh this log is mainly for the benefit of my man ivan ong.
cos he keeps asking me whether ive updated.
so i have.
-hEe-
see what a nice obliging gurl i am.
bwahahahaha.
ok off with the BHBness.
logging off now.
haha.
bye ivan. gd'night.
hope u enjoyed this post. :P
22:01
9.3.04
mood .:+:. [depressed.]
listening to .:+:. [nth.]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [cold]
im the wrong girl in the wrong body.
i never thought id be saying this, but i dont wanna be me.
someone else could live my life better than i ever could.
any takers?
seriously though.
im just not good enough.
i failed all my CAs today--but thats not the only reason why i feel like crap.
why is it everytime i try, i fail?
why am i always wondering about how many true friends i have and how many are just faking it...
and how many times i let down the people who love me.
im living my life all wrong...
i cant ever do anything right, can i?
im not good enough for my parents, for friends...
not good enough for even for the guy i like.
im not good enough.
i wanna be the girl with the straight As and then perfect record.
the girl whos pretty, slim, popular and friendly, always there when her friends need her.
i dont wanna be me.
i just wanna be loved.
accepted.
perfect. is that too much to ask?
cos maybe if i was perfect, i would be good enough.
i might just make it.
i might actually have a proper life without heartaches and headaches and lies.
but im not perfect...and i cant ever be.
18:37
8.3.04
mood .:+:. [tired. and loopy.]
listening to .:+:. [through the wire--kanye west]
eating .:+:. [apple pie n ice cream. FATS. lol.]
drinking .:+:. [myh]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [raining like heeeelll.]
//the stupidest thing i said today// ["goocheygoocheygoOoOocHeygOoGoO~~." >>when i was trying to irritate jo and ruka. if u dont know wad i was doing, DONT ASK.<<]
+:.Through the wire
to the limit to the wall
for a chance to be with you
I'd gladly risk it all
Through the wire
through whatever come what may
for a chance at loving you
I'd throw it all away
right down to the wire
even through the wire.:+
weeeee.
today totally rawked.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
lol.
okays. i'll give u guys a chance to find out what im so high on.
no its not ketamine.
I HAVENT BEEN SMOKING LARH.
yeh.
today we got a day off cos of the O level results, so yeh, went out with jo n jing.
we were gonna go ice skating--
ok, actually we didnt TELL jo that we were going ice-skating, cos if we did she most probably wouldnt wanna go.
so me n jingyi told her we were gonna watch a movie n make it look like it was a last minute decision to go skate, even though we were planning on it for like, forever.
lol.
[yeh jo go ahead n attack me at skool tml.]
but she actually AGREED to go skate in the end.
see what a NICE pal she is.
[actually shes not. just trying ta save myself from getting wacked up by her tml. LOL.]
and the best thing was that since its a monday and oni our skool had a day off...
the rink was COMPLETELY DESERTED.
wahahaha.
okay, except for some couple who ponned skoo n were making out in a corner.
so we kept skating back and crashing at full speed into the barrier nearest to them to make them go away and find a better place to do whatever they wanted to do, just NOT IN PUBLIC. like, eww.
yeh they left after awhile. hEe.
so we started dancing on the ice and doing cheerleader moves and trying to ballroom dance and jo kept falling down and it was so funny HAHAHAHAHAHA.
no, i mean jo falling down is funny. yup.
then we went to bugis and took neoooooprints.
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
lol.
[note to self: never use the cinderella machine again. never ever ever again.]
then i realised id burned a BIG hole in my pocket wif overuse of neoprint machines so i had ta borrow $$ from jo n jing. hee. sorry guys. i love y'all, k? :P
yeh n this jo went nuts about my teeshirt and just couldnt help taking a foto of it. and now the foto looks like i took a high speed fan and put my shirt over it to take the pic.
i cant believe i have such a bi--nvm.
yeh. and then i suddenly went loopy enough to say "hey lets run through the fountain".
yknow, the one at bugis.
the one thats famous for its rhythmic sequence n for getting ppl wet.
so we all did.
and i got SOPPING WET.
like, really wet. my bag was wet my pants were wet my hair was wet and even the things under them were wet.
bleah.
thanks jingyi. for yelling at me to run through at just the right moment.
i thought u knew ive got slow reaction.
and i just had be standing in the middle when the the four sprays of water came down SPLAT right into the origin of the circle.
and now ive got a COLD.
and even though im SICK my mom still says i hafta go to skoo tml.
talk about tough luck.
>.<
but its all not so bad, cos i got to talk to the guy i like today.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
-big big grin-
lols.
okay, yeh im a lovesick puppy, i know.
its sad, i know.
BUT I REALLY LIKE HIM...
stop laffing jing n jodi.
im so gonna get u guys tml.
20:40
5.3.04
[for the guy i like.]
+:.mY SeCrEt vALeNtiNe.:+
is it too much if i ask you
to stay here for awhile?
does it sound crazy--i just wanna
watch you when you smile
is it alright if i stay the night?
when morning comes, i'll leave--
i'd just like to sit by your bed
and watch you fall asleep
is it okay if i stay with you
even when the road gets tough?
stay with you each time you cry
just to wait till i hear you laugh
did you guess i'd wait forever
for just one chance with you
i'd turn my back on any other
if you only knew
dont you know when you say hi
i gotta hold myself down
did you know you make my day
just by being around
dont you notice the way i look at you
every time when we're alone
dont you see the way i smile
when you call me on the phone
dont you see beyond the 'sister'
cant you look behind the friend
if i told you how much i love you--
would you even understand?
is it weird--how i cant forget
all the things you say and do
am i making it too obvious
that im SO in love with you?
if i had the guts to tell you
i wonder if you'd be mine
will you ever know--or will you always be
my secret valentine?
15:28
mood .:+:. [sian.]
listening to .:+:. [obvious--westlife]
eating .:+:. [digesting my lunch]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [313pm]
weather .:+:. [hot.]
+:.We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby
You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
I've heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me
But everytime I ask you out
We never move pass friendly, no no
And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone
[chorus]
You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know... .:+
bleah. if oni i cld go up to the guy i like and read off those lyrics. lols.
eniwae...normal day in skool today.
pretty boring actualy.
except for the fact that i got yelled at by mrs tan in front of the staff room and she was going SO LOUD all the teachers and students turned to stare at us like we just landed from mars.
actualy, teachers were staring at me.
students were staring at mrs tan.
lol.
crap, i gotta go for tuition soon.
nOoOoOo.
like, boring.
i dont need this. i want to play gunbounddddd.
so long never play liao lol.
gotta practice. :P
oh yeh ivan's having an exam 2day...hope everything goes ok for him.
hope he doesnt go into the exam room and blank out.
or get distracted by some cute girl sitting next to him.
or forget to bring his pencilbox.
...yeah, but i wont need to worry that he'll do all those stupid things.
he's not me.
:P
15:19
