29.4.04
mood .:+:. [tired.]
listening to .:+:. [nth]
eating .:+:. [NA]
drinking .:+:. [NIL]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [raining]
mid-years start tml.
and we well-trained PL girls will do what this great renowed school trained us since sec 1 to do.
PANIC.
i havent studied properly.
aaaaaaaaaaaaah im SO dead.
SO SO DEAD.
im gonna fail all my exams and get retained and stay back one whole year in this BORING school just to redo sec4.
actually that doesnt seem that bad.
aaaaaaaah imdeadimdeadimdead.
waaaaa.
i got CL compo tml and im gonna DIEEEEEE.
aaaaaaaaaaah.
*screams*
ok, im done panicking.
now onto the boring stuff.
i went to the library after school today was supposed to go study with jing but ended up reading books about space and did u know that theres such a thing as a white hole??
and a white hole is the opposite of a black hole.
it throws everything out. like the black hole sucks everything in.
and when you join a black n white hole its called...
A WORMHOLE.
hahahahaha.
no im serious.
really.
and scientists think that it may be the secret to time travel.
am i boring you?
i dont care :P
our earth-years are much, much slower than light-years.
space-time is measured in lightyears.
black holes gravitational pull is so strong that the closer you are to its core, the faster it spins you round, so fast that it even exceeds light-years.
so if you went into a Wormhole and came out the other side, you'd end up in the future.
COOL HUH??
hm...maybe if u went in the reverse way u'd come out in the past.
hey...
so COOL.
okok i'll stoppit.
but i tink black holes r reeeally cool.
+:. firestorms cannot burn me
the waves hold back their tide
i hold the stars when you hold my hand
my secret valentine
i can fight the thunder
when you're by my side
cause somehow when you're with me
you make everything alright
you are my everything
my only everything
you are the hope that leads me on
you are the strength that keeps me strong
you are my everything
the only light in darkness all around
thankful for each day you give me
baby you mean everything to me.:+
18:06
28.4.04
mood .:+:. [happy]
listening to .:+:. [i need you--leeann rimes]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [water]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [hot]
im baaaaaack.
so happy.
okay, main reason why im happy is bcos i finally managed to get into this webbie which gave me some weird technical problems for the past few days.
whooohoo im back in.
lols, yeh, whatever.
anyway had to "slave" on sunday for the guys while they played soccer, i had ta go help them fill and refill their water bottles and buy drinks and blablabla.
[...ivan, the word is "slave". not "saviour". hahaha :P]
hehs.
or maybe i was just feeling helpful.
:)
and ivan makes a really good goalkeeper.
FOR THE OTHER TEAM.
hahahaha.
nah, kidding.
good attempts at saving though. everyone makes mistakes. hehs.
monday nothing much happened...
but i went to go cut my hair with jing.
it looks pretty nice now...not really different, just layered.
haha its looks messy.
in a nice way.
and i like it. I LIKE MESSY.
hehehehehe.
had oral today.
...
i mean, oral exam.
[jingyi STOP sniggering i can SEE YOU sniggering behind your screen. PURE thoughts man :P]
i really screwed up big time.
i was talking in like chinese and english and hokkien.
i dont think she understood a word i said.
but i still passed.
-grin-
it's a God thing, man...its gotta be the grace of God.
no one could get by with more than 6 phrases in hokkien and still pass.
haha...weeee so happy.
thanks to all the ppl who prayed for me...joyce n ivan...thanks you guys.
:)
well gtg play gunbound.
seeyaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
18:31
24.4.04
mood .:+:. [stressed out.]
listening to .:+:. [solitaire--clay aiken]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [cool]
7 DAYS.
sounds like some horror movie where the telephone rings and u pick up n some girl says that and after seven days you see the ring and you die.
okay...so its not really whats happening to me but...
IM STILL FREAKING OUT.
aaaaaaaaargh.
7 more days to mid years and WHAT AM I DOING?
blogging.
...im such a slackerrr.
im gonna fail my mid-years.
havent had any time to sreally study at all...
esp with all that artwork on my hands.
like, piles and piles of artwork.
man.
mrs ong is a slavedriver.
she wants everything in by this week.
treats it like art's the only subject we take.
yknow maybe if we were in the aussies that'd be possible but we're in SINGAPORE with that sadistic MOE and therefore, mrs ong, we cant just do like 3 mounting boards of prep work in like, 5 days?
yeah.
man....
im gonna spazz out soon.
nervous breakdown.
bonkers.
-waaaaaaa-
yeah okay i'll stop.
im so so soooo stressed....
never thought i'd be this stressed over an exam.
ARGH.
i dont tink i can make it....
>.<
oh btw, that "do you know who" person who posted that tHiNg?
I DONT KNOW HIM.
or her.
18:35
23.4.04
mood .:+:. [zonkeddd.]
listening to .:+:. [work it--nelly feat justin timberlake]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.Baby
Show me something
Don't say nothing
(Don't you say a word)
I just want to
See you work it
(Come on baby work it for me)
That ain't frontin
Show me something
(Let me see it girl)
I just want to
See you work it
(I just wanna see you work it for me).:+
went out almost the whole day today.
after skoo wanted to drop dead...
but i couldnt, cos i had tuition so yeah, cant die yet.
gotta study.
lols.
then after that went home thinking how nice it'd be if i could konk out on my bed.
but just as i was gonna get some much-needed sleep the PHONE RANG and my parents called me to go down to heartland to go buy a hp for my dad.
bleah.
note the FOR MY DAD.
man...i want a hp too.
>.<
haha, kidding.
not that i dont want one, but it'd be nice for my dad to have a new hp cos he always takes my old ones.
cos i make him take them.
hurhur.
anyway yeah, he got this really nice hp.
nokia 3100.
im jealous.
i cant believe this.
im jealous of my DADS hp.
man~
haha.
oh well....yeah, played a great game of gunbound just now.
hey i got my rank upgraded.
IM A METAL AXE.
yessss...
like, finally.
hApPiNeSs~~
weeeeee heeeeeee.
going outtml to pierce another hole in my ear.
haha.
if i can fit one more into my ear without hitting the cartilage.
see how.
jingyi n jo going to pierce too...
hahaha.
hehehe.
hoho--lol. yeah.
sorry.
went to buy my materials for art today...
got this hobby knife and man the blades r like so sharp.
so sharp i cut myself when i was fitting the blade into that sticky thing what holds the blade.
yeah.
i dont know what its called.
but its really cool~
-grins-
yeah.
anyway i tink im going a little bonkers.
i'll stop here before i really start talking weird.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
23:14
22.4.04
mood .:+:. [tired]
listening to .:+:. [so confused--2play]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [drizzling. so nice haha.]
+:.hey you
leave me confused
dont know if i
should let you know the way it goes girl
wish i knew
just what to do
im so confused
so girl what you wanna see
wanna see me get down on my knees
wanna hear me begging baby please
wanna hear me crying for mercy
oh girl
i wish i knew your world
i think im losing my head over you girl.:+
haha nice weather today.
finally ran 2.4km napfa today...
first time i actually RAN the 2.4km.
lols.
went home at about 930+.
cos i couldnt take it and started seeing funny colours and was really giddy...
so giddy i couldnt walk straight and collapsed in one of the corridors.
hahas.
so yep...got sent home and slept str8 through from 10 till now...just woke up.
and in the end i failed the run by one minute.
ONE MINUTE.
argh.
>.<
lol and jingyi had to pull me cos i wanted to give up halfway.
nearly blacked out on my last round too.
looking back i guess it was quite funny.
but im still really really exhausted...
i just came online to check mail so i guess i'll be going back to sleep after im done blogging.
yeh. got tuition later today.
man....should i pon...
nah, better not.
got loads of work to do...
I HATE THURSDAYS.
well actually just this thursday.
but oh well.
im not exactly thinking straight now.
haha.
legs aching...pulled a muscle on my last round so its kinda tough to walk fast.
kk i'll stop complaining now.
hees.
well, one good thing today at least.
i finally got enough sleep~!!
yayyyyyy.
:)
17:35
21.4.04
mood .:+:. [high.]
listening to .:+:. [nth]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [okay la.]
good day today...
stayed back in skoo till about 5pm.
hey guess what MY DADDYS COMING BACK TODAY.
hehehe.
yayyyy....
oh i was playing with this pair of scissors today.
like, i spread out my hand and started stabbing the scissors in between my fingers.
like how they do it in the movies.
and harharhar i got pretty good at it.
till i stabbed my finger.
it HURT. like duh.
harhar but it was still pretty funny.
lol, talk about a cheap thrill.
man im tired.
well i least i got all my work done.
*yawn* gotta go eat dinner now.
i wan to eat pockyyyyyy stick~~~
weeeeeeeeee...
:x
yep. kkaes.
better go. hehehe.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
19:01
20.4.04
mood .:+:. [nahs...]
listening to .:+:. [take me away--fefe dobson]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [hot]
+:.I..was waiting all my life in a room
(I'm all about you)
And now..I'm staring in your eyes in shea flour
(I'm all about you)
And in my mind, it comes to reasoning
But theres a feeling of no complete
I want to show you,
But theres nowhere we can really be free
Everybody's watchin'
Wouldn't it be good if we could be together
Take me away,
Take me far away from here
I will run with you
Don't be afraid
Navigatin' at the steer
Soon, but son, we will run.:+
took alotta pics today.
in class with all my 4c1 peeps.
cos i was BORED.
i even took a pic of my shoes.
its amazing how dirty i can make them in 3 days.
wish i could post that pic here but I DONT KNOW HOW.
oh well.
>.<
so boringgggg.
some shit cropped up today but im not gonna talk about that.
cant do anything about it anyway.
haha eniwae thx ivan for listenin n tryin to cheer me up yeahs :P
kkae im logging off now.
byeeee.
19:29
19.4.04
mood .:+:. [i have absolutely NO idea.]
listening to .:+:. [5 colours in her hair--McFly]
eating .:+:. [spagetthi]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [veh hot.]
+:.she's got a lip ring and 5 colours in her hair
not into fashion but i love the clothes she wears
her tatoo's always covered by her underwear - but she don't care
everybody wants to know her name
i threw a house party and she came
everyone asked me
who the hell is she, that weirdo with 5 colours in her hair?.:+
sky n snow r over at my house.
for dinner.
with their mom.
hahaha sky's got a PINK waterbottle with bubbles the powerpuff girl on it.
hehe.
but thats okay, cos he's only 22 months old.
s0o cute hehehe.
havent done a bit of work today.
except for art.
had to churn out abt 10 pages of research for it.
and now my printers almost out of ink.
man.
i feel like playing gunbound again.
hm...yeah, i think i'll go earn more gold.
($_$)
hehehe.
19:55
mood .:+:. [ineedsleep.]
listening to .:+:. [behind blue eyes--limp bizkit]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.no one knows what its like to be the bad man
to be the sad man
behind blue eyes
and no one knows what its like to be hated
to faded
to telling only lies
no one knows what its like to be mistreated
to be defeated
behind blue eyes
and no one knows how to say that theyre sorry
and dont worry im not telling lies
but my dreams they arent as empty
as my conscience seems to be
i have hours only lonely
when love is vengance
thats never free.:+
got abit of a cold today but went to school anyway.
thank god the presentations over and done with.
though it didnt go too well.
>.<
im so sleepy now.
yawn.
i tink i'll go play gunbound now.
hehehe.
byeeeee.
17:58
17.4.04
mood .:+:. [totally zonked out.]
listening to .:+:. [stacey's mom--fountains of wayne]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [hot]
+:.Stacey can I come over after school
We can hang around by the pool
Did your mom get back from her business trip
Is she there or is she trying to give me the slip
You know I'm not the little boy that I used to be
I'm all grown up now, baby can't you see
Stacey's mom has got it going on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long
Stacey can't you see you're just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong
But I'm in love with Stacey's mom
Stacey's mom has got it going on
Stacey's mom has got it going on.:+
went for my second audition today...got shortlisted last week for the part of Cupid.
but i didnt get in today.
hais.
haha...but its cool i guess.
theres lotsa ppl out there who're much more talented than me...so yeah, they do deserve that spot more than me.
but...argh.
just wish i could've been in.
hehs.
then went for lunch at Marche with richa and sarah n my sis...and richa's ULTRA COOL mom.
her mom acts and dresses and talks like she's 18 even though shes like 30-something.
not in the bad way.
she is SO soooo COOL.
haha.
her car is a really cool yellow volkswagen convertible with a really super sound system.
she even bought for me cocktails and a Baccardi at Marche.
now is that cool or what :P
then went shopping for toe-rings.
but ended up buying a charm.
haha.
its this really cool pendant called the Third Eye and its supposed to be some Nazca good luck charm.
not that i buy into that kinda stuff, but the pendant is kinda cool.
went really really late for GB today...it started at 1.
i went at 4.
hehehehe.
well im gonna play gunbound now.
20:02
16.4.04
mood .:+:. [tired]
listening to .:+:. [you make me sick--pink]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.He got closer to me
It started getting deep
He had me in a zone
When he started to show me things
I never saw before
Baby was smooth but I knew it was game
Helluva cool but you men are the same
The way he licked his lips
And touched my hips I knew that he was slick
You make sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip
I'm feeling it, I gotta get a grip and
It's driving me crazy baby don't you quit
Can't get enought of it
You got me going again
Baby you got me going again
You make sick.:+
just got back from detention and im totally wiped out.
been really tired these past few days...
hardly slept much cos theres so much i gotta do...
project and all.
slept about 4 hours last night.
totally totally wiped out now...
can hardly keep my eyes open.
theres still GB enrolment tomorrow at 1-7pm.
and the second audition at 1030...
well thats sth to be happy about.
im in the second audition... :) yay haha.
yeah...
might be going out again tonight with my mom for dinner.
my dads already touched down in indonesia. haha tts sth to be thankful 4...safe landing.
haha.
did some attendance logging today for detention...oh and got to file some stuff into the private files cos i was helping ms koh. hahahaha.
very interesting stuff in my personal file. wahahahaha.
yehs.
didnt get to do the presentation in the end today...
cos the other groups took up our time...
and since we drew lots and were the last group...
we got until MONDAY.
the other 4 groups, EAT YOUR HEART OUT.
muahahaha.
so now my teams got time to improve on it. :)
but i really feel bad 4 the other 4 groups...they didnt have enough time to even do the project properly, and mrs Lam's computer wasnt formatted to their disks so aLOT of their presentations screwed up.
and that mrs lam still says its their fault the disk isnt working.
oh please.
how were they supposed to know that her laptop wasnt compatible with their comps...and they got marked down just for that. man.
thats so unfair...
well. gonna do other stuff now.
got a really big load of things on my hands i gotta finish by today.
>.<
-pouts-
so sleeeeeeeepyyyy...
18:49
14.4.04
mood .:+:. [happy.]
listening to .:+:. [stuck--stacie orrico]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.can't get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just can't seem to find a way
To leave the love behind
I ain't trippin
I'm just missing you
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean
I can't take it
What am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can't stop thinking of you
It's true
I'm stuck on you.:+
its amznaig how you can sltil raed wrods taht aernt seplt rhigt, as lnog as the frsit and lsat lteter are in palce. sceinsttis hvae reserahecd itno tihs strnage fcat and hvae fuond taht tihs is bceuase we tned to raed wrods not lteter by lteter but as a wohle.
cool inst it??
lols.
took 10 mins just to type that. hey but it really works haha.
eniwae...
had to clean toilets today.
killed all the energy i had left.
really tired now.
hey but things are picking up...
not a bad day today.
at least they werent yelling when i came home.
either that or i didnt hear them, but i dont wanna think about that.
gotta run the damn 2.4 km tml anyway, since i ponned today.
hopefully she forgets my register number is 5.
please, please forget....
yay. gonna get my book back tml.
so happy.
ive been bored to death at home with nothing to write this past few days and ITS ALL IVANS FAULT.
cos he TOOK MY BOOK.
lol. no la.
just kidding.
yay...finally i have sth to write.
lols.
cant believe im bored enough to say this.
yes, i know when im bored i should study but studying will just bore me even more.
reeeeally.
studying IS boring.
...okay, i know im fighting a losing battle when it comes to arguing about academic matters but...
yeah. okay, i'll shut up.
ive got to be insane.
im arguing with myself.
man.
20:03
+:. i hate DC .:+
mood .:+:. [happie.]
listening to .:+:. [nth.]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [chocolate HL milk]
time .:+:. [morning]
weather .:+:. [i dunno. in air-con. so its cold i guess.]
just ponned PE.
with jingyi.
man todays gonna be a boring day.
got DC later.
cos i came late to skoo about 5 times.
and just becos of that i gotta do 2 days of DC.
today and friday.
sucks......
im bored.
hey, jing, you want to type anything?
*hello. you do know this is horribly lame.. plus. you type slow. hehhehheh. :) oh yeah. Suboshi IS NUMBER 1!!!! then kougaiji... definitely not AMI--*
ok yes thats enough than you jingyi. :) and yeah i type slow but at least i dont need to press the backspace bar more than 20 times for just a few sentences. :p HARHARHAR.
jingyi wants to point out that i pressed the backspace button 4 times, but i am not allowing her to speak.
so yeah.
bored.
*yawn*
i hate DC.
jingyi says who doesnt.
thats a good point.
i hate DC.
ihatedcihatedcihatedcihatedcihatedc.
hais.
blog in later at 5+.
thats when my &$%^)#$ DC ends.
oh yeah.
for those of you who dont know, DC means detention class.
:)
10:36
13.4.04
+:. the insanity of war .:+
"from a distance, you look like my friend
even though we are at war."
if hitler wanted to create a race thats all blond haired and blue eyed...
why doesnt he just SHOOT HIMSELF.
he doesnt have blond hair or blue eyes.
and he's got a very square moustache.
A quote from a Nazi soldier, speaking to the captives about to go into the gas chamber:
"breathe in deep. nothing will happen to you. it's to strengthen your lungs."
yeah.
right.
i'd really love to strengthen my lungs with hydrogen cyanide and carbon monoxide.
yeah, those gases can do wonders for you.
you blink and the next thing you see is a really shiny white place with streets of gold and fluffy angels flying around. hey did they put marijuana into the lung-strengthening gas?
oh and that Nazi soldier told me the train came to deport us Jews to the other side of the country where theres more housing, right? what...? oh...oh i see, theyre gonna house us in the DEATH CAMPS, oh yeah sure thats cool.
man. that war is so full of lies.
but which war isnt.
man.
its crazy.
why cant we all just get along...?
no one wins when you go to war.
both sides end up losing.
cos ppl die either way.
and the lives of ppl arent just playthings that you put on a ground and watch them shoot guns and drop bombs on each others heads all day.
the life of one person was worth the death of God's only Son.
take that times the billions of ppl who die everytime a war is fought.
you have to be crazy to want to even start a war.
and going to war just so there'll be peace.
its a irony in itself.
something i'll never understand.
why can we all just get along...?
21:49
+:. Hitler: the Nazi super-popstar .:+
mood .:+:. [lol. not exactly sure.]
listening to .:+:. [72 bian--cai yi lin]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cool]
tuition wasnt that boring.
from now on im going to go for tuition every tuesday.
lol.
cos theres this new group of ppl that just came in and never stop suanning the teacher...
yep, from now on tuition is gonna be very interesting.
i cant go jogging or do those bimbotic aerobics cos i sprained my muscle or sth liddat.
lol, im not good at diagnosis.
all i know is my thigh muscle hurts real bad when i walk.
so it must be sprained.
or pulled.
or torn.
or something.
and ive got napfa 2.4 this week.
great.
just in time for me to not do my napfa and flunk out of it this year.
i dont wanna flunk it.
cos anyway its the only test i know i can pass without actually studying.
hey do you know hitler shot his dog before he shot himself???
sadistic.
you already killed millions you idiot with the square moustache so why cant you spare your dog.
oh and i found this pic of girls screaming and leaning over a barricade waving posters of Hitler and guards walking up and down giving life-size pin-ups of him to those girls and they were all screaming their heads off and reaching over to Hitler like he's some multi-national popstar.
man.
they treat a murderer like some guy from f4.
anyway gotta do my reasearch now.
4 the holocaust project.
heres a nice quote anyway.
"Better to fall a free fighter than to live by the grace of murderers. Resist...to the last breath."
-a Warsaw resistance fighter in the anti-Nazi forces-
21:29
+:. i'LL bE oKaY .:+
mood .:+:. [sad.]
listening to .:+:. [family portrait--pink]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [hot]
+:.Daddy please stop yelling
I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop crying 'cause I need you around
My mama she loves you no matter what she says
it's true
I know that she hurts you but remember I love you too
I ran away today, ran from the noise ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place but don't have no choice no way
It ain't easy growin up in world war tree
Never know what love could be, I've seen
I don't wanna love to destroy me like it did my family
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend like it goes naturally.:+
they're at it again.
heard them the moment i came home.
when i opened the door they shut up till i walked into the studyroom and shut the door.
then it started up again.
somebody please just make it stop...
and everyday its getting worse.
make it stop..
outside they behave like nothings wrong.
everythings fine.
they can be yelling one moment and when my classmate calls they coo down the receiver
"HeLLo~?"
and those people i dare to tell...they think im lying.
they all think im a damn liar who tells tall tales and wants sympathy.
but its true.
its TRUE.
im not lying.
but no one believes me. no one i can trust. even the people i think i can trust, i cant help thinking they're sniggering behind my back and roll their eyes when they hang up the phone and go "yeah, right. family problems. give me a break."
i just wish...
someone out there...
will believe me, trust in me.
i had a past, but its gone now. im different.
im not the kristy i used to be.
but its hard to change impressions.
and its hard to even tell them ive changed.
they just go, yeah shes lying again.
dont believe a thing she says.
everyday its the same. i hear those names everyday. the same thing over and over...
liar.
slut.
liar.
bitch.
liar.
outcast.
liar.
ITS NOT TRUE.
im not like that.
cant anyone believe me--isnt there even one person out there who really understands??
everyone thinks im tough outside.
yeah, kristy, the tough girl.
the girl thats gone through 15 years of rejection. thats should toughen her up alot. shes strong, shes resilient, she can pull it through. shes the girl that doesnt care what people think of her. shes the bad girl, the girl all the bad guys want, the girl that the song SexyNaughtyBitchy was made for, the rebel, the punk, the bitch, the slut...
the liar.
a true blue, wild, bad girl.
but oh, you dont really care, do you, kristy?
i do care.
because youve got it all wrong.
im not bad.
in a world where good is bad and bad is good...
inside, im just a good girl who tried to be bad.
a good girl trying to be bad.
confused.
lost.
a 16-year-old whos just still a little girl inside.
a scared, lost little girl trapped somewhere in the way people think of me.
home.
supposed to be the place where you go the heal your wounds, right?
ironical.
cause thats the place where i get those wounds.
and the world outside offers no solace from those wounds either.
nowhere to run...
nowhere to really feel safe...
and everyday i wear those wounds like battle scars, knowing that everyday im stepping into the middle of the battlefield, fighting, losing, dying, but to you, im brave enough to get up to do it all again the next day.
to you its bravery.
to me its desperation.
desperate enough to hope that the next day will be better than yesterday.
im still waiting for the better day to come.
not that everyday doesnt have a single happy moment.
yeah, most of the time lots of good things do happen to me.
but those things...just cant heal some of those scars.
so deep nothing can reach them. nothing.
everyday put on that same smile and pretend for a while that everything is fine, everythings okay. laugh and smile and joke and make people happy.
so that everyone thinks im alright too.
and everyone thinks that im lying about being sad.
truth is im lying about being happy.
continue pretending.
continue waiting.
and one day things will get better.
one day.
i'll keep on fighting. i'll never give up. what doesnt kill me makes me stronger.
that happiness im waiting for is coming.
and that one day of happiness is worth fighting through a thousand days of sadness for.
i tell people im ok.
its true.
cause as long as im alive, i'll keep on fighting.
as long as im fighting, theres hope.
and as long as theres hope, im okay.
i'll be okay.
:)
16:49
12.4.04
mood .:+:. [sad.]
listening to .:+:. [100 years--five for fighting]
eating .:+:. [apple]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cool]
thought i'd change the blog to something for feminine for a change.
hehs.
hope its nice.
bad day today.
made my parents quarrel again.
my dad walked out...
i called him, and he said he'll be back soon but he hasnt come home yet...
i dont wanna go into the details.
man im a failure.
not that im really that cool with my parents...
but really, no kid should make their parents quarrel like that...
oh crap i dont wanna think about it anymore.
fell down while running today during NAPFA test...
scraped almost all the skin off my knees.
and palms.
it couldnt stop bleeding in school and when you cleaned the blood away the skin inside was like...white.
ew.
just thinking about it makes me feel sick.
and now the gauze over it looks so bloody.
like the whole things red.
and infected.
yecks.
and it really hurts.
cant bend my knee.
>.<
and the wound reopened so it really hurts now.
hais.
anyway im not really in a mood to blog in much now.
so yeah.
21:34
11.4.04
mood .:+:. [very very tired.]
listening to .:+:. [i promise--stacie orrico]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [rainy]
+:.Will I always be there for you?
When you need someone,
Will I be that one you need?
Will I do all my best to,
to protect you?
When the tears get near your eyes
Will I be the one that's by your side?
Will I be there when you call me
in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down
into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will
And I love you more every day
And nothing will take that love away
When you need someone
I promise I'll be there for you (there for you)
I promise.:+
"teenage drinking is VERY bad. yo, i got a fake ID though. :) "
i dont know why im so tired.
must be ive used all my energy this morning.
i was perfectly okay...
now i can barely keep my eyes open and my hands feel like deadweights.
man.
went into teens service today cos there was no youth...
and there was no way i was going back home at 1130 in the morning.
sat at the back people-watching and stoning mostly.
hahas.
but the worship was good.
i mean its like, SO MUCH BETTER than youth worship.
at least the teens dont act like theyre half dead.
passed the book to ivan today.
hais...hope ivan's alright...
he looked like sth was bothering him or had sth big on his mind 2day in church...
or like something was getting him down...
and he's been so quiet past few days.
>.<
sth like that. hope he's okay. :s
man.
im so sleepy.
*yawn*
i dont wanna go back to skool tml.
i hate mondays.
but if there were no mondays i guess i'd hate tuesdays.
and if there were no tuesdays i guess i'd hate wednesdays.
and if there were no wednesdays i--yup.
you get the picture.
man...
SKOOL SUCKS.
lols.
going jogging later.
another boring activity which im gonna do all by myself.
again.
anyone wanna join me?
lol.
anyway im gonna go counsel my fwen whos asking me to give him some advice on his love life.
lols.
funny how i can handle peoples love problems perfectly well...
but i just cant handle mine.
you know who im referring to.
yup. HIM.
bleah.
cant get him off my mind. irritating.
oh well. gotta go.
18:35
10.4.04
mood .:+:. [bored.]
listening to .:+:. [sonicflood--dear lord]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [coffee]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [so hot i can fry an egg on my hand.]
+:.dear lord
this pain inside me
tears me apart
and when the more it hurts
the harder my heart
oh in my darkest hour
may your love come shining through
your way is true
and you make all things new
and i know
youre all i need
and you say you're here
and you calm all my fears
and i know you'll never leave.:+
today is a boring day.
i am bored.
i did alot of boring stuff today.
like doing homework.
mopping the floor and wiping the windows.
went jogging too.
I CANT BELIEVE I DID MY HOMEWORK.
first time ive done work on a saturday.
going for dinner later at some estranged relatives house.
another boring thing to do today.
bleah.
im typing this mainly to entertain myself cos i have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO.
hais.
the only interesting thing is how my mom freaked out when i leaned so far over to wipe the window she thought i was gonna fall out.
harharhar.
god im bored.
argh.
my sisters at her fwens bday party so i have no one to entertain me.
and me an ivan are having an extremely intriguing, highly intellectual conversation.
wanna see?
[ivan] it's ok....
[me] oh okie...
[ivan] ya
[me] yup.
[ivan] okie..
[me] yeppers.
[ivan] lol.
see what a boring day im having???
man...
16:27
9.4.04
mood .:+:. [undefined.]
listening to .:+:. [who's david--busted]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.You've always been this way since high school,
Flirtatious and quite loud,
I find your sense of humor spiteful,
It shouldn't make you proud,
I know your pretty face gets far with guys,
But your make-up aint enough to hide the lies.
Are you sure that your mine,
Aren't you dating other guys,
Coz you're so cheap and i'm not blind,
You're not worthy of my time,
Somebody saw, you sleep around the town,
And i've got proof because the words going around,
I don't like you.:+
i hugged alot of trees and lamposts in pasir ris park today.
lol.
the only place im gonna blade next time is under my block and in blading rinks.
rented the blades for an hour...then gave up and got a bike haha.
got quite a nice cut on my knee cos i slammed headfirst into a tandem bike when i was going down a slope.
man.
talk about malu.
ran into rastus and rasmus today 2...haha my sister took one look and ran away.
poor kid.
bought some bands for her too...
the kind that got published in the newspaper.
HEY she asked me for it.
i got a new wallet.
-grin-
went around looking for a second hand hp but all of them are like, way above $100.
bleahs...
well i could still look tml.
gonna go for the Sleeping Beauty Musical audition tml 2...
haha so excited wEeEeEe~
lols.
wish me luck~!
:P
gotta go do prisca's autograph book now.
18:27
mood .:+:. [sleepy.]
listening to .:+:. [nth]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [morning. [can u believe it?] ]
weather .:+:. [sunny.]
+:. think about this for a second.
How many guys do you know could honestly say they'd die for you?
The way Jesus did?
Die for you even before you knew him.
Die for you even though you hated him.
Die for you just so he could have a chance to spend eternity with you.
Die for you in your place just so you could live.
Die for you for only one reason--
Because HE LOVES YOU more than life itself.
Jesus did all that.
And if that isnt love, NOTHING is. .:+
im SO sleepy.
woke up an hour early just to update.
wont be able to do it later cos im going pasir ris to blade.
actually thats a poor subsitute for going kayaking.
really poor.
supposed to go kayaking with ivan n sean today..yeh but it was cancelled.
-pouts-
oh well theres always another time. :D
...
yeah right who am i trying to kid.
anyway at least im getting out today.
no fun stuck at home on a holiday like this.
just wish i was going with my FWENS n not my FAMILY but...yeh.
its not so bad.
was really bored yesterday in tuition...
tcher kept going nYaKnYaKnYaK and i didnt understand a word he said.
duh. its chinese tuition.
then kept smsing ivan to keep myself awake n haf someone nice to talk with.
like every 5 mins.
lols...must've really got on his nerves.
and on his hp bill.
...hais.
iM sOrReEeEeEeEe~~
and this is so irritating.
all my fwens bloggies are talking about the passion of the Christ this the passion of the Christ that and the movie was so so cool you should go watch it blablabla...
esp ivans and his friend miltons.
bleah....
i wanna go watch too~
darn the M-18 rating.
hey, some of us are mature enough for that kinda show.
and we see more blood in the Bio practical class than in the show anyway.
man...
nvm, i'll buy the VCD.
-grins-
I HAVE GOT TO WAKE UP.
other wise later go blading then blade right into a tree.
then i gotta call ambulance...for the tree.
lols.
i'll update about my accidents later.
gotta go make breakfast for my family now.
hahas.
byeeeee.
+:. if you think youre gonna leave me
dont tell me you'll stay at all
if you wont be there to catch me
i'd rather you let me fall
even though i'd give my world for you
even though this heart is true
this broken heart can take no more
too many people walked out my door
if you can't say you love me
baby dont say a word.:+
09:04
7.4.04
went on a web-wide hunt for a new song to put in my webbie.
this one's really nice.
gotta go church now.
dunno for what also.
and i dont wanna go but oh well.
parents orders.
man.
cant believe im actually obeying.
sometimes i actually shock myself lols.
anyway i gotta go dress now.
hope all my teachers fall sick tml so i can go sleep in class.
muahahaha.
20:08
mood .:+:. [tired]
listening to .:+:. [everything--fefe dobson]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [dinnertime :D]
weather .:+:. [okay ba.]
+:.Sometimes i give in to sadness
sometimes i don't
do do do do
at times im part of the madness
sometimes i won't
give into you
you see the way i have been drifting down a river to no where
and you're givin' me nothing
But if you're ready to be
my everything
if you're ready to see it through
this time
and if you're ready for love then
this i will bring
but i'm not gonna wait for you forever this time.:+
so tired.
just came back from my jogging.
im hot and sweaty and feel like im melting.
WHO WANTS TO HUG ME??
-grin-
muahahahahaha. jk.
then was doing this lame aerobics video with that bimbotic instructor Denise Austin alias "if only i had a brain".
bleah.
she makes me sick.
but oh well, whatever.
ew.
my ex just msn-ed me and asked me for the S** word.
thing is, im saving it for who i get married to.
and he's my ex.
and he already has a gf.
his reason?
"u are so much sexier."
give me a break.
sexier my arse, he should take a look at my fat legs.
and askin ME for IT is a totally crazy idea cos he should know what my answer will be.
and its SO DAMN SICK. the fact that he's attached and....
god. dont wanna think about it.
anyway...
ew.
that guys a jerk.
hes got a GF for god's sake...
and he's still looking around for IT.
he shouldnt even be doing IT.
man, teenagers nowadays....
*shake head*
anyway i gotta go for dinner.
and i seriously need a shower.
18:59
6.4.04
mood .:+:. [i have no idea. haha.]
listening to .:+:. [meant to live--switchfoot]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [nite]
weather .:+:. [freezing]
+:.Fumbling his confidence
And wond'ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly
Fly
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside.:+
this song is really sooo cool.
cant believe switchfoot is a christian band.
its waayyy too cool to be a christian band.
lol.
not that christian bands suck...but usually their music doesnt get such wide appeal on the radio.
hahas.
boring day today.
the chinese enrichment thingys over, so we are supposed to go home by 4.
but that &^%^*%* tay bee kee wont give us a &*^(*@* break so she mae us all stay back till 4pm.
to do some BORING chinese 5-year series.
not that i did it.
dont nag me about my chinese o levels.
i know theyre comin up but frankly my dear i dont give a damn.
i mean, im hopeless at chinese.
almost as hopeless as i am with that guy.
lol.
man...hope i can go kayaking on friday.
please God let me go i promise i'll be good and do my QT every night.
bleahs.
i fell down the stairs at my tuition centre today.
i really shouldnt be saying this cos its so embarrasing...
but haha its pretty funny.
i opened my sling bag while i was walkin down so my pencilbox fell out.
my pencilbox has a huge hole in it as all my classmates know so all my pens fell out too.
so i bent down to pick them up. [duh.]
but then the strap on the bag decided to trip me.
so it got in my way and when i took another step down to take my color marker i tripped because my foot got hooked up in it so i went bouncing down the stairs.
and now i have a beautiful bruise on my thigh which is all the colors of the sunset.
no really.
its reeeally colorful.
looks kinda nice.
...ew. k that was sick.
but the whole thing is kinda funny.
it was so funny that when i hit the bottom of the stairs i started laughing so hard people stared at me and thought i bruised my brain instead of my thigh.
haha.
21:45
5.4.04
mood .:+:. [siaosiao.]
listening to .:+:. [my own voice recording. lol.]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [same la]
weather .:+:. [see other entry.]
ive just recorded my voice while i was toying around with my new mic.
ive made a great discovery.
*drum roll*
I REALLY CANT SING.
lols.
at least, not christina agorilla songs.
eww.
hahahahaha.
17:30
mood .:+:. [ (-_-)" ]
listening to .:+:. [the reason i live--united live]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [tea]
time .:+:. [going evening]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:. jesus you are the reason i live [x4]
when i
think of the things you've done for me
yeah i know you are the reason i live
and i
i wanna know you more each day
god please open my eyes
show me your way
you are the reason i live in this world
you are the one i want to be like
you are the reason i live in this world
show me the way to live
i wanna be like you.:+
got thrashed on gunbound.
bullied, more like.
my whole team practically DESERTED me in the middle of enemy territory.
bleah.
i feel like a bloody noob.
man...
anyway, my friend asked me to pick an e-card for her to send to her overseas pal...
so i went to smilepop and found this really nice card with strawberries in chocolate.
it looked so nice to eat...
[bleah. stupid diet.]
and i sent her the card and she was like, WHOA.
...i dont get it.
whats so0o sexy about strawberries and chocolate??
its just FOOD.
whats so sexy about food??
bleah. sick people nowadays.
they drag the S word into everything. even food.
and now i wont ever be able to eat another strawberry without thinkin of....
EWWWWW.
i tink i need a brain transplant.
first reasons the strawberry thing.
the other reason is that GUY.
i cant get him off my mind.
ARGH. annoying.
i mean its not like i dont like to think of him.
just that once i start thinking i cant stop.
like pringles chips.
[argh. stupid diet.]
and somehow he's been popping into my head the whole day today.
anyway im gonna go excercise now.
maybe a good workout might help erase him off for hopefully 5 minutes.
17:05
mood .:+:. [i have no idea]
listening to .:+:. [dont wanna think about you--simple plan]
eating .:+:. [fruits.]
drinking .:+:. [tea.]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.Can you leave me here alone now
I dont wanna hear you say
that you know me
that i should be
always, doing what you say
cause im trying to get through today
and theres one thing i know
I dont wanna think about you
Think about me
Dont wanna figure this out
Dont wanna think about you
Think about nothing
Dont wanna talk this one out
I won't let you bring me down
cause i know
Dont wanna think about you.:+
im going to sign up for the TAF run in skoo in the mornings.
even though i dont qualify...
i need to lose weight.
my siter keeps eating her chocolate cake in front of me.
so irritating.
nth much in skoo today...but i finished chapter 2 of my story already and onto chapter 3... [big YAY]
yawn.
im tired.
im gonna go work out again later.
tryin to find music for my webbie but i cant D/L any of the files...
weird.
either that or the files dont work.
and the site is so0o $%&@!*& slow....
im going to play GunBound now.
i'll blog in later when i actually have sth to say.
hahas.
16:04
4.4.04
mood .:+:. [sleepy.]
listening to .:+:. [tipsy--J Kwon]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [water]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [rainy]
changed my layout again.
cos a certain someone wants ta sue me for copying her.
hope you're happy now.
took me an hour to get all the html done.
waste of time.
anyway, went to church today.
could hardly wake up in the morning cos jacq came over to stay.
went for dinner with ivan sean aleks n jacq on friday..
ok, not exactly jacq, cos she only arrived when we were done.
haha.
then stayed up till late at home with her on the net and playin DDR. [haha i won :pPp aiight, i shant be mean]
then stayed up even later smsing ivan.
okay, actually i couldnt sleep at all [must be all the jumping on DDR] so he "pei"-ed me until i fell asleep over sms.
haha tts sweet of him.
so yeh, my mom had to whack me outta bed this morning.
went for lunch with jacq n sam loh...
and i so swear i am never doing tt again.
two of them arh...
in church they keep giving weird arch looks at me then pointing and then giving another look...
keep suanning me with weird double-meaning phrases like "i saw that LOOK in someones eye--not u, SOMEONE", "oh i read body language larh" and blahblahblah...
and im going like whatwhatwhat did i miss sth and they just sit there and snigger and go "oh nothing".
..am i really that fun to suan??
DONT ANSWER. i dont wanna know.
take it as a rhetorical question.
I DONT GET IT.
weird ppl.
what is it that im not getting??????
u stupid samuel loh if ur readin this u better tell me or on sunday i'll think of sth reeeeally really horrible to do to u on sunday.
muahahahaha.
anyhoos...
yeh, went running today and did alot of sit ups and now i cant laugh too hard cos it hurts.
lol.
goes to show how long ago was the last time i did that.
argh i gotta lose weight.
I HATE YOU u big FAT UGLY kristy IHATEYOU.
arrrr.
>.<"
i tink i ran too much cos ive really worn myself out.
dont tink i can wake up tomorrow.
I WANNA GO KAYAKING ON FRIDAY~!!!
bleah.
but me wanting is not gonna help much if my dad doesnt allow it.
and yeh, i know...
most probably his answer will be--
bleahs.
i dont even wanna finish my sentence.
ive been in a weird mood today.
from morning until now my head has been filled with nothing but him with a capital H.
i hate it when im a lovesick puppy drooling over someone i hardly have a chance with, not to mention a chance that he might like me back even the teeniest little bit.
but hell...i cant help myself.
and ive given up trying.
haha.
22:23
2.4.04
mood .:+:. [still high.]
listening to .:+:. [nothing's gonna change my love for you--benson george]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [cool]
+:.If I had to life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so early
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you.:+
man.
rained like crap over at my place today.
walked home with christy in the rain and it was like, SO wet the whole road was flooded.
like, about 10cm+ high water or maybe even 20...the whole road was covered in water so high i could float toy boats on it.
and we had no umbrella so i got so sopping wet even the pieces of synthetic cotton i wear underneath were soaked.
we pranked ms lena koh today.
lol.
sharon got me to fake a faint and get ms koh to help.
its tough to faint.
really tough.
i mean i wanted to burst out laughing esp with that sharon yelling in my ear "oh no oh no kristy fainted *scream*" and stuff liddat.
oh well.
anyway...jacs coming over to crash at my house tml...
planning to go for dinner with ivan, sean, leks n her...
see how things go.
most prob can.
anyway im gonna go type testimonial for nick now.
what a nice girl i am.
nice, pretty, sweet, cute, friendly and modest.
LOL. the irony.
anyway i was lying.
20:27
1.4.04
mood .:+:. [high]
listening to .:+:. [im not in love-enrique iglesias feat. kelis]
eating .:+:. [fruit. diet.]
drinking .:+:. [water.]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [hot.]
+:.You call me on the phone
I act like nothings going on
We're drivng in my car
I pretend that you don't turn me on
you sexy thing yeah you know it
you move around now you show it
I'm not in love
It's just a phase that i'm going through
I'm always looking for something new
But don't go running away
Oh i'm not in love
I try to tell myself all the time
I just can't help how i feel tonight
So don't go running away.:+
man i LOVE april fools day.
it gives u the perfect excuse to disrupt lessons.
here are some of the ultra cool stuff me n my fwens tortured my teacher with today -grin- :
mission plan [1]. teacher walks in n greets the class. right side of class stand up. teacher calls left side ppl to stand and when they do the right side sit down. then when she calls the right side to stand the left side sits down. and when she calls the left side to---yeah, you get the idea.
mission plan [2]. fake a reeeeally big quarrel between 2 classmates [eg includes slapping n screaming and flying books n chairs] and stress the teacher out.
mission plan [3]. suan the teacher until she cant take it anymore and try to delay the last period until we only have 15 minutes of lesson.
hahaha.
poor mrs tan.
:P
oh and right now im telling all my peeps who r online on msn that im migrating end of this year to america.
and most of them believe me.
haha suckerssss.
hahahahaha.
i love april fools day.
weeeeeeeeee. so fun.
haha and nicholas jens is begging me not to go.
lol this is fun.
-bigevilgrin-
oh well.
gotta go.
18:40
