29.7.04
+:.[screw the world.].:+
mood .:+:. [fuckin stressed out]
listening to .:+:. [nth]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [raining]
+:.im looking for a place
searching for a face
is there anybody here
i know
cause nothing's going right
and everything's a mess
and no one likes to be
alone
isnt anyone trying to find me
won't somebody come take me home
it's a damn cold night
trying to figure out this life
won't you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
i dont know who you are but
im with you.:+
i am so sick with this fucking life.
okay so maybe im saying that like once every week, but now on these down-low periods when i say it i sure as hell mean it.
those goddamned prelims are coming, not to mention those fucking Os and still ive got my parents on my freakin back the whole week like 24/7 trying to convince me that im not studying enough.
well excuse me but i can't fucking study 24/7, even though im already studying almost every second of my spare time ever since i started coming home at 6pm.
and anyway how the hell am i supposed to manage that when i got one bloody hard dance to choreograph, and learning another dance cos they dont have enough dancers, with some damn bitches trying to tell me to change this and that when im already working my fucking ass off for them trying to meet up with their ultra-high expectations? hello, even if i look like him im not the guy who choreographed for britney, alright?
like, for fuck's sake they can't even manage these steps now and theyre asking for better ones? give me a freakin break.
and what am i doing this whole dance thing for? because i was asked by my classmates, and to show appreciation for the teachers that i dont even LIKE--sorry, that i can't even fucking stand.
so hip hurray and whoop-de-fucking-doo for being selfless and scarificial and all that heroic shit.
and everyday i hold it in in class cos i dont wanna start some big arguement or fight especially with some certain bitches in the dance group [bitches who think theyre guys and wanna change the dance so its more GUY-LIKE. sure, why not, just pull down your PE shorts and prove it, if you really have a freaking dick like you think you have i'll gladly change the steps.]
so i just hold it till i get home and then when the tiniest thing sets it off i'll explode and cry my eyes out of their fuckin sockets. then get hammered by my parents for being high-strung and stressed out and most of all, not studying.
so i say, screw this life, screw the world and everything in it and i really won't give a shit.
20:59
22.7.04
+:.[the bittersweet beginning of you and me].:+
mood .:+:. [err--normal??]
listening to .:+:. [what's my age again--blink 182]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [decaf]
time .:+:. [night
weather .:+:. [cold]
+:.then later on on the drive home
i called her mom from a payphone
i said i was the cops
and your husband's in jail
this state looks down on sodomy
and thats about the time that bitch hung up on me
nobody likes you when you're 23
and you're still more amused by prank phone calls
my friends say i should act my age
what's my age again?
and thats about the time he walked away from me
nobody likes you when you're 23
and you still act like you're in freshman year
what the hell is wrong with me
my friends say i should act my age
and thats about the time that he broke up with me
no one should take themselves so seriously
with many years ahead to fall in line
why would you wish that on me
i never wanna act my age
what's my age again?.:+
rotten day today.
just realised that its always the smallest things that get you down. lol guess what ivan said was right. its the big stuff that makes you trip but the small stuff hurts the most.
oh well.
thats stuff between just God and me, for the moment anyway. so yep. not blogging it in. lol, just realised ive been keeping personal stuff to myself alot lately.
somethings changed about me. its not that obvious, but a few of my really close friends noticed it. hmm. is that supposed to be good or bad?
RHETORICAL QUESTION please do not tag this to answer. i dont wanna hear it. [harharhar.]
i guess its both...but maybe by sharing less, im protecting myself more? my mom always said i trust too much, and that opened me to alot of hurt.
yeah, so i guess i should trust people less? they always let you down anyway. people ARE human [like duh, then what, alien arh. sheesh.] but only God will never fail me.
and till i find that someone that i know i can totally trust...my lips are sealed stapled and super-glued. lol.
the more you open your heart to someone, the more you give, the more you trust and the more you put into the friendship, the more space you give them to hurt you.
thats maybe why im opening up much less. [and someone's already gotten to the inside of me, someone that i trust and maybe i told too much to. thats why i gotta cut back on it now.]
im not saying everyone will do that...but most.
at least, in my case larh. take it from someone who knows.
its not that i got NO ONE to trust at all nawp im not that pathetic. but sometimes you gotta draw a line, which burdens to share and which to keep. maybe one day i'll share it all with someone...but not now.
"the ones you love the most are always the one who will hurt you the most." --kristy.
...in this book, chapters begin and finish, and every chapter is different. but they're all part of our story. and stories never really have endings...so we can never say goodbye forever.
there will never be a goodbye for both of us. goodbyes are only for endings. and i know that this will never end.
19:58
21.7.04
+:.[how can doing the right thing feel so wrong?].:+
mood .:+:. [a bit down]
listening to .:+:. [say goodbye--s club 7]
eating .:+:. [bread]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [hot]
+:.[in a year from now
maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said
in a year from now
maybe we'll see each other
standing on the same street corner though it rains
each and every end is always bitter in the start
if only i could stop the world i'd make this last
sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart
is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye though it hurts
is the only way now for you and me
though its the hardest thing to say
i'll miss your love in every way
so say goodbye
no dont you cry
because true love never dies
and when you need my arms to run into
i'll comfort you
nothing will ever change the way i feel...].:+
so its come to this in the end.
i can't deny it any longer.
i have to do it--what ive been putting off for so long.
it's a hard thing to do, and sacrificing something has never been harder.
but like what my friend isaiah said--if it isnt hard to do, it isnt sacrifice.
its like God's asking me to rip out the biggest part of me and give it to him. totally, with no holds barred. total and complete surrender.
im like, sacrifice, Lord? sure...i'll give anything...err--anything BUT that.
i know what im gonna do is the right thing--but the right thing has never felt so wrong before. if this isnt sacrifice, nothing is.
the reason why He wants me to let go...all He's asking for is my heart. not just a part of it, but the whole thing. for me to learn to love him the way He loves me. totally, wholeheartedly. i guess, maybe, that's why its so hard. because theres so much i have to give up.
especially a certain someone.
but still...somewhere inside...
theres that undeniable feeling, that beginning trace of a promise that what i let go of now, that my sacrifice, will be somehow given back to me in the end. and given back bigger and better than i ever could have managed doing things my own way.
i guess its true...sometimes you have to let go in order to hold on.
but Lord, even if things dont work out the way i want them to, even if i will never get back the one i give up, its still worth it.
because there is no greater happiness than the happiness of loving only you.
and what is my sacrifice, compared to what the Lord has sacrificed for me?
its taking all of me to say this, to give up to you, totally, not holding back a single bit, everything i ever wanted and all thats precious to me now.
but if my whole heart is what you want, Lord, take it. not my will, but yours. because this is no longer my life, but im living for you.
in the end, yeah...[though i hate to admit it] Lord, you know best.
14:20
20.7.04
+:.[the scariest, most daring prayer i ever made].:+
20th July 2004.
sitting in front of the computer...i knnow youre tugging at my heart, wanting to hear the words you know are buried in me, the words you have wanted to hear for so long.
the words i never thought id say.
but youre calling me.
and somehow, this calling is calling for the biggest part of me.
calling for me to sacrifice all i have, to you.
its hard...
but somehow your power, your love for me is too strong to resist.
and i know after tonight, i will never be the same again.
"Dear Lord...
i have something to ask of you...but i wont ask for much.
i wont ask for you to take away the pain. but im asking you draw me to you when the pain's too much to for me to bear.
i wont ask for you to stop things from making me cry. but im asking you to remind me to run to you when i feel like crying.
i wont ask for you to end the hurtful things fast and quick. but im asking you to grant me patience when my own runs out.
i wont ask for you to lighten my load. but im asking you to give me the strength i need from you to carry my load when my own strength is not enough.
i wont ask for you to stop testing and trying me. but im asking you to give me the faith i need, to come through each test and trial, a stronger child of yours.
i wont ask you to calm the storms in my life. but im asking you to cling to you as an anchor when the storms threaten to drown me.
i wont ask you to remind me to praise you when everything goes well. but im asking you to remind me to praise you even in my darkest hour.
i wont ask you to help me fufill my dreams and plans. but im asking you to help me fufill your dreams and plans.
i wont ask you to downplay the temptations that i face so that i can stand up under it. but im asking you to give me the strength stand up under temptation, no matter how hard.
i wont ask you to bend and break things so they fit my will. but im asking you to bend and break me so i fit your will.
i wont ask you for the smooth and easy road. but im asking you to hold my hand as i follow you on the straight and narrow.
i wont ask for you to give me easy decisions to make. but im asking to for your wisdom in making my decisions.
i wont ask for you to help me please you in the ways i would like to please you. but im asking you to help me please you in every way that you want me to.
i wont ask you to give me the opportunity to sacrifice for you where it hurts the least. but im asking you to give me the opportunity to sacrifice for you where it will hurt the most.
i wont ask for you to change my life to suit me better. but im asking you to change me to suit the life you planned for me better.
Lord, i wont ask you to make me into the someone who i always wanted to be.
all im asking...
Lord, i want to be like you.
in your Son's name i pray,
Amen."
--kristy.
23:23
+:.[stop the world--i want to get off.].:+
mood .:+:. [tired]
listening to .:+:. [hella good--no doubt]
eating .:+:. [kit-kat]
drinking .:+:. [nth]
time .:+:. [evening]
weather .:+:. [hot]
ever feel like everything around you is just moving sooo fast and you just can't catch up, no matter how hard you push or how fast you run, you're just always that one mile behind and all you can do is just stand there watch everything pass you by...
and you just wanna stop the world, and get the hell off?
thats how ive been feeling lately.
deadlines and everything are just rushing by me, and just as i think ive caught onto something, it speeds up and im running after it on a wild goose chase.
except it doesnt feel like im chasing a wild goose. i feel like im chasing a whole damn flock of wild geese.
and i dont need anyone to remind me that my prelims are coming, and after prelims the Os are coming, and that since my entire world is speeding up lately it means that those @^%!*$# exams are getting closer, faster.
i'll admit, i dont think im the kind that can work under pressure.
well at least not academically.
there's so many things going on in my life now, too many things i cant handle. stuff that i have absolutely no power over and it feels like my entire world--correction, entire galaxy, universe, is spinning out of control.
someone please, please stop the world for a moment. i really want to get off.
19:07
16.7.04
mood .:+:. [alcohol high]
listening to .:+:. [my way--limp bizkit]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [some alcoholic drink]
time .:+:. [night]
weather .:+:. [hot]
+:.yeah
this time imma let it all go now
this time imma stand up and shout
imma do things my way
its my way
my way or the highway
this time imma let it all go now
this time imma stand up and shout
imma do things my way
its my way
my way or the highway
someday you'll see things my way
cos you never know when you never know
when you're gonna go.:+
im gonna get drunk tonight.
just get piss-ass drunk and forget everything and anything.
im blogging this before things get all fogged up and i cant think str8.
i just want to forget. and wake up tomorrow with a terrible hangover and still not remember. forget everything.
unless it'd seriously kill you unless you knew, dont ask why im doing this. cos i dont want to admit why either. cos this is just killing me inside. and i dont want to admit to myself that i have to resort to this, that this is actually getting me this down.
so tonight im just gonna sit here and drink this bottle of...vodka, i think, like water, kill my liver and just forget.
i just want to forget. EVERYTHING.
especially what, or who, drove me to this in the first place.
im feeling just so...alone, tonight. but its alright. im used to it by now. cos life--or my life at least, was made for me to walk alone.
+:.--get dead drunk and forget my sorrow
i'll live for today
and die tomorrow--.:+
--kristy.
21:50
15.7.04
mood .:+:. [okay?]
listening to .:+:. [when a woman loves a man--westlife]
eating .:+:. [hamburger without the ham]
drinking .:+:. [water]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [HOT.]
+:.When the stars are in her eyes
And the sun is in her smile
The only moment in a life
That happens the same time
Is when a woman loves a man
She'll be a mother and a child
Sacrifice her days and nights
And no other will exist
She'll put her life in every kiss
When a woman loves a man
Oh, you'll be amazed how when
You're needing it
She'll fight for you
From the beginning to the end
And she'll do all that she can
When a woman loves a man.:+
whoopee.
he finally said
IT.
hurhur.
[if youre wondering what IT is...if it concerns you, you'll already know. if not then please, if you have any questions at all,
hesitate to ask.]
anyway, for now i guess yeah, its safe to say that im in love.
as in for real.
its just that when it comes to the L-word, im more careful how i term the way i feel. but i guess i can trust him, and my feelings on this one.
but still...
sometimes even the things that seem perfect are the most flawed.
sometimes the things that seem destined, meant to be...can go wrong.
and sometimes...even what seems like love is but a passing illusion.
the future's never clear.
its changing with every second that passes by.
and as time moves on, people change, feelings change, even the strongest of all friendships and the truest of loves must die and come to and end.
after all, nothing good ever lasted forever.
at least lol it never happened to me.
because time changes everything.
it heals the hurts that nothing and no one could heal...and it also tears down the things that nothing and no one could break before.
so i guess only time can tell.
and i should never love a guy more than he loves me.
or i'll end up on the losing end where it hurts the most if it doesnt work out.
thats why im trying to cut back on the emotion and the way i feel about him now.
but still, when emotion takes over i cant help just thinking how great it'd be, and just how perfect and amazing it'd be if things could turn out the way we're both hoping it would.
but all i can do is wait and see. so i'll just do that, since its not like i have, or even want it any other way.
and while im waiting, think i'll just forget about trying to figure the practical side of this out.
i'll just sit back and enjoy the feeling [after finally having the guts to come to terms with this and admit it] of being hopelessly and irretriveably in love.
cos'...its been ages since i could let myself just fall with no qualms at all.
and its been ages since i could really say im in love.
=)
"the present only exists because the future turns into the past." --kristy.
[im here so please explain
why you're opening up a healing wound again
im a little more careful
perhaps it shows
but if i lose the highs
at least im spared the lows
i think id better leave right now
before i fall any deeper
i think id better leave right now
feeling weaker and weaker
somebody better show me how
before i fall any deeper
i think id better leave right now.]
14:15
12.7.04
mood .:+:. [sleepyyy.]
listening to .:+:. [headstrong--trapt]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [milo]
time .:+:. [afternoon]
weather .:+:. [raining]
+:.back off i'll take you on
headstrong to take on anyone
i know that you are wrong
headstrong
we're headstrong
back off i'll take you on
headstrong to take on anyone
i know that you are wrong
and this is not where you belong.:+
just got back from skool.
really really shagged.
GB day today and i didnt wear my full uniform.
[cos i didnt want to but i didnt tell the teacher that. shh.]
yeh i didnt wear the full U cos i didnt have it.
i gave it away, plain and simple.
[liar, liar, pants on fire...]
i wore my GB mufti instead but guess what.
that tEaChEr [read: b*tch] miss eunice ho wanted to make me and Row [who also didnt wear the full U for some unidentified reason] stay back and copy out the WHOLE book of joshua.
all 24 chapters, aint that nice.
x_X
well got it done in the end [like thank GOD] but now my fourth finger has the biggest blister ive ever seen on it.
it freakin' HURTS.
and im so tired.
Row's sis and mom r gonna call the skoo tmr to complain.
i hate hiding behind parents so i decided to write my own VERY POLITE [...ahem.] letter of complaint to that [...#(*&@*$ @&$^%] miss ho.
hey, i did my time already.
so she has nothing to complain about, im accquited and a free girl and everybodys happy.
at least till the next detention.
=)
anyhoos...
really cool quote. "sic vis pacem, para bellum."
it's latin for 'To have peace, prepare for war.'
its pretty tragic when you think about it.
this worlds gotten soOo screwed up that we actually have to resort to violence to get peace.
hahaha.
better luck trying to start a fire with some carbon dioxide and a few buckets of water.
and its funny too. you could laugh your butt off thinking about it.
the funny thing is that in todays situation theres no other way to have peace except by way of war.
its so pathetic, its hilarious.
or maybe im just feeling sadistic.
whatever, each to his own.
but theres GOT to be a better way...
why, why, WHY can't we all just GET ALONG?!?
anyway, heres another cool one to think about.
some wise, insightful... [points to self, heh heh] yeah. and probably psycho person came up with this.
'Light is darkness, inside out.'
angelflame, out!
[lol. must be feeling real crappy today.]
16:21
10.7.04
finally, finally i found a song that speaks out exactly how i feel about life. hahahaha.
+:.From A Distance.:+
From a distance the world looks blue and green,
And the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
And the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony,
And it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
It's the voice of every man.
From a distance we all have enough,
And no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease,
No hungry mouths to feed.
From a distance we are instruments
Marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace.
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us, God is watching us.
God is watching us from a distance [x2]
...From a distance you look like my friend,
Even though we are at war.
From a distance i just cannot comprehend
What all this fighting is for.
From a distance there is harmony,
And it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
It's the heart of every man.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man...
[bette midler]
21:53
"life is a comedy for those who think, and a tragedy for those who feel."
couldnt have said it better myself.
life.
its the thing that gives philosophers their paychecks and the rest of us a headache.
its an mystery in itself. you can never really understand it.
thats why i dont get WHY people go to such great lengths cracking their thick skulls with non-existent brains to try and define it or write it down in words--what the heck is UP with life?
i dont really understand it myself.
haha its crazy how we depend on our emotions. how your own little world seems to circle around the way you feel. how when youre happy, the sun is shining, birds are singing and all and the next thing you know, your own little world has got its own little apocalypse.
at least until the next time the birds start singing again.
my lifes been on a total low these past days.
i cant get through a single day without crying at least once.
IM SERIOUS LAH.
ten to one im gonna cry today too.
yeap.
alot of crap's gotten into my life this week. i mean, when im happy, nothing goes wrong and life ROCKS and then its like suddenly the accumulated sorrows from the past week slam down on me in a single day and i start moaning life SUCKS and sit in a corner crying for my mommy. [ok not really my mommy cos sometimes she makes it worse. i cry for someone ELSE.]
so yesterday night i couldnt sleep and i had time to think things over.
my life's always been full of crap.
since primary 1 ive been the social outcast and reject and i get the same thing every year.
yup, all the way to now, sec 4, year 2004.
but pushing aside all the its-not-fair's and the life-totslly-suck's and im-such-a-loser's...from an objective point of view, looking back...theyve all worked to make me someone better.
cos now i can understand how ppl feel being left out.
and i know how much it hurts to have a friend stab you in the back.
i know how the world works and im more streetwise that i thought i ever could be.
i can see right through most ppl and ive got that understanding and compassion i never would have if this never happened to me.
but mostly its brought me closer to God.
all those hurts and rejection and pain...some because of my friends, but mostly cos of what i did n mistakes i made...
its made me realise im nothing without God. i cant get anything right without Him.
i used to tell myself that i could hang on by myself. i didnt need and couldnt trust anyone.
thats when the crap came in.
to break me and show me that i needed God no matter what and if i went on trying to handle my life ALL BY MYSELF i'd totally wreck it.
but when the crap came, God brought people in too.
people who He used to show me that people still cared, that i wasnt a reject or failure and that i still had a life very much worth living.
and just for the record.
thanks God, for all the crap that went into shaping me up.
and thanks to those people too. [you know who u are la hor. if u dunno then call me n i'll tell u if its u anot =p ]
i gotta admit it, God realy does know the way i work. he knows i wont listen unless i get a hard-and-fast one right where it hurts the most.
and thats what i got.
bleah.
but its made me more dependent on Him, more willing to hand my life over to Him for Him to do something BIG [and i mean like, BIG] with me.
all this crap and stuff that im going through, in the end its all to shape me into someone better, someone who will fufill His purpose for me life.
because "all things work for the good of those who love the Lord".
so whats happening now...theres a reason for it.
whether to show me what the HECK is it that im not learning or to make me someone better. [though my guess is that im too stubborn to learn something so He's currently giving me the hard way to MAKE me do it.]
theres a reason for it.
im just not sure what yet but I KNOW theres a reason for it.
there has GOT to be a reason for it.
[oh for the love of god there MUST be...i absolutley refuse to take all this crap for NOTHING. x_X]
i mean, i was DEFINITELY born for more than this kinda boring life im having now.
lol.
+:.
Let Go and Let God
just as children we bring broken toys
to our father to mend,
i brought my broken life to God
because He was my friend.
at long last i took it back
and snapped, "how come you're so slow?"
"My child," he said, "What could I do?
you never did let go." .:+
11:52
7.7.04
this article is pretty cool.
and if youre a GIRL you gotta PAY ATTENTION and read this from TOP TO BOTTOM.
and maybe aLOT of your questions will be answered because no matter what they say, guys DO LIE to girls almost all the time.
its long, yeah, but hell WORTH IT.
and if youre a guy reading this you can tag me to tell me whether this whole thing is bull or not.
^_^
THE TOP TEN LIES MEN TELL by Keith Blanch
To your man, it's quite straightforward: honesty just isn't always the best policy. Well he wouldn't say that, would he?
1.
'Yes, that dress looks fine on you.'
Why he tells it: hassle avoidance
Men employ these 'forgivable fibs' not just to avoid hurting you , but to make their lives easier and to steer clear of trouble.
eg. ('Of course you don't look fat in that outfit'), ('I guess Cindy Crawford's "sexy" in a conventional kind of way, but she's not my cup of tea').
It's not that your man doesn't care what you wear or what the living room looks like - he does. It just doesn't matter as much to him as it apparently does to you, and often he'll decide that voicing his real opinion is not worth the cost of disrupting an otherwise pleasant car ride or spending another half hour at Ikea.
The bottom line: we lie because we love you. (If one of our mates asked us to help choose wallpaper, we'd say, 'Why don't you photocopy my arse five hundred times and put that up?')
2. 'I can fix it.'
Why he tells it: ego protection
Whether it's home repair, barbecuing, or wiring plugs, there are certain domains men feel compelled to know everything about. If a man cannot fix his own power tool, he must lie and declare it beyond repair, because if he admits defeat and lets his wife fix it, he's officially banished from the Real Man club forever. That's the way it feels, anyway - and that's why, every year, otherwise perfectly competent chartered accountants get their fingers cut off in power saw accidents.
3. 'I was not looking at her breasts.'
Why he tells it: to achieve a delicate balance between relational harmony and four million years of biological conditioning
No matter how long you've been together, I guarantee your man hasn't stopped being attracted to other women. You can't promise to stop liking chocolate - only to stop eating it. When a good-looking woman walks by, he notices. If her skirt is momentarily caught in a crosswind, even a legally blind man will get whiplash.
Men are responding to millions of years of biological conditioning. Why bother lying? Because it's obvious our looking bothers you.
4. 'Nothing's wrong.'
Why he tells it: so that he can lick his wounds in private
Sadness, depression, disillusionment. Correct me if I'm wrong, but for women, a man's loneliness seems to offer an ideal consoling/bonding opportunity. If only men felt the same way. For us, your heartfelt concern only confirms that our personal weakness is now blatantly visible. And that's why, when pressed by a loved one to unburden our souls, we quickly pull our heads back in our shells. Remember that, for men, to bleed is noble, to refuse an Elastoplast divine. In the psychological realm, this sometimes means lying and dissembling to avoid 'The Dreaded Talk'. But should you ever offer a shoulder to cry on? Yes. 'If I think there's a solution to be found, I'm glad to talk to my wife about it,' says Jerry, 31. 'She's pretty insightful. But if I can't change the situation, for God's sake just let me go out to the garage and bang some boards together or something.'
5. 'I tried to call you.'
Why he tells it: self-defence
All men secretly think they're saints - or exceedingly nice guys, anyway. We can't understand how women could ever be disappointed with us, given the glorious single life we've willingly given up. So when you get angry because your boyfriend didn't call, or he turned up late, the excuses kick in. You're complaining about a small, specific crime; his lie is his way of saying, 'But doesn't it matter that my intentions were pure?'
When we sense undue distress, we assume our petty crime can't account for it all. Rather, your complaint must be the tip of an iceberg of criticism, and a simple apology may be admitting to more than we bargained for. If we confess to forgetting to phone you when out with the boys, will you take it to mean we didn't think about you once all evening, or that we were glad to be away from you? Far safer simply to pretend that the phone went dead.
okay, number six and seven and eight and nine were kinda R[A]. so i censored it. lol.
10. 'I'll never lie to you.'
Why he tells it: to live happily ever after
This is the kind of romantic, reassuring thing men say because there are times when what women really want is a movie line. But even if your man means it - and we usually do, when we say it - time will tell. Will he ever fib, evade or stretch the truth? Yes. Will he keep his word about the important things? That depends on his character and the strength of your marriage. And it might take a shared lifetime to find out.
But does he want the happy Hollywood ending? You bet!
15:57
6.7.04
mood .:+:. [down]
listening to .:+:. [nth]
eating .:+:. [nth]
drinking .:+:. [nth la wa piang.]
time .:+:. [...]
weather .:+:. [-_-"]
i thought you said you'd be there when i needed someone. that you'd be there for me to lean on when things got me down.
where are you now?
right when i need you, you're never there. every time when i think my world is crashing, you're never there to tell me that everything will be alright.
the things i can brush aside by myself, you see me through it. but just at that moment when i need someone to just BE THERE, when i need you, you're never there for me.
its always when i need you the most that you arent there.
maybe its not really your fault.
i just wish i could call you up.
but my pride wont let me.
i dont want to be the one who calls you all the time.
but i need you more than ever now...
and you arent here.
i know im way emotional, needy and all...but i cant think of anything else except to run to you when everythings going wrong for me...
cos youre the only one who understands how i feel.
and the only one i trust not to laugh at me. and the only one who i know for sure will listen. and i know you care.
but everytime i need you...and all the times before, times just like this...the times when i cried at night, with no one there to just give me a hug or comfort and everytime that i never felt more alone in my life...
you were never there.
and maybe, maybe you never will be.
i dont know.
all i know is im just wishing that i was talking to you now.
that you were here next to me, just talking to me till this blows over.
and i hate the way i love you.
22:08
