in the blackness of your feelings
how red the rivers run;
drawn from your wrist,
silk silent screams--
let darkness overcome.
from sorrow, to pain, to metal
and rush of sweet release.
feel your soul melt,
rip your canvas;
let these chains set you free.
broken-winged dove, draw closer
and be born into the night.
let darkness free you,
sweet addiction bind you,
let surrender your soul light.
call to the dark, the dark will answer;
from your altar you will rise--
beautifully broken,
deathful resurrection,
angel of blood and knife;
unending sacrifice.
red rush; by moi.
+:.[break out the party stuff].:+
+:.Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you've flown like a cannonball.:+
whoohoo.
the countdown's started--9 more days to my BIRTHDAYYYY!!!
so i finally can play pool. legally, that is.
was supposed to go out kayaking to celebrate.
my dad didnt let me go though, but i guess he's just worried as any parent would be.
worried that i'd drown in the open sea or something.
but for that to happen, i'd have to capsize in a single kayak out in the open sea miles from shore in extremely strong currents that could break my neck or knock me out and my life jacket has to magically come undone and unravel itself off my lifeless body. and then perhaps yes, i would drown.
but anyway, as a replacement i'll take a much safer activity such as watching a movie.
of course, theres always a chance that when i go out i can get knocked down by a speeding industrial truck or get kidnapped or get a heart attack and die or get shot in the head by some whacko or get blown up in the theatre with about 60 other people by a suicide bomber ---BUT i dont think my dad's worried about that.
yep. anyway...after waiting so long to be sixteen...
hm. nothing special about it really.
lol, but its two years closer to independence in 9 days time
=)
aha. now THAT'S something to look forward to.
+:.[broadcasting--.].:+
went out today...to Heeren.
went to go blow the remaining cash i had on my belt--and a nice baseball cap. buying stuff without looking at the price tag feels SO good.
the belt i bought was that kinda metal studded one. i wanted to buy a two-line stud one but they only had three. pathetic. but i bought it anyway LOL.
oh yeah, poohbear was there today too, and i SORTA ran into him. sort of. did a double take when i saw him up close and realised he cut his hair. i mean, its not like he went all the way and did some crew cut or mohawk [lol that wouldve been nice to see] but i think he looked much more...er, yandao with his old hairstyle. his new one makes him look a little...errrr...botak?
oops. haha. but he looks cute in it i guess, in an offbeat way.
and he kept taking off my CAP. grrr. but yeah, guess it was kinda dumb of me to wear a cap indoors =x lol but i just HAD to try on the new cap.
it seems like ages since i last wore something new.
anyway im gonna go whack some gunbound noobs now.
You were everything, everything, that I wanted. We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. All of the memories so close to me just fade away. All this time you were pretending...so much for my happy ending.
Its nice to know that you were there, thanks for acting like you cared--and making me feel like I was the only one. It's nice to know we had it all thanks for watching as I fall...and letting me know we were done.
+:.[look what i've done.].:+
+:.Take my photo off the wall if it just won't sing for you,
'cause all that's left is gone away and there's nothing there for you to prove.
Oh look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone.
Oh well it seems like such fun untill you lose what you had won.
Give me back my point of view 'cause I just can't think for you.
I can hardly hear you say what should I do well you choose.
Oh look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone.
Oh well it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won.
Oh look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone, a fool of everyone, a fool of everyone.:+
alright.
i'll get straight to the bad stuff.
i failed my CL O's.
there were only like 3 failures in sec 4EXP and im one of them. f***ing hell. i feel like such a--er, for want of a better word--failure.
ARGH damn motherf***ing exam like what the bloody f***ing hell if i ever catch the person who set that paper i so swear i'll screw him or her [regardless of gender] upside down and so bad that he or she cannot walk straight for a month or sit down for a year.
GRRR. aiight i'll stop cursing, before poohbear comes after me.
but i guess theres no one else to blame except myself, really. i didnt study hard enough. im gonna retake it--but im not really gonna study my ass off for the second one. i gotta spend my time on other stuff, like maths and chem if i wanna have any chance at all of getting into poly.
im banking on my english for the L1.
somehow, hopefully i'll make it through. i dont even wanna think about what'll happen if i cant even get into poly.
+:.[feels like the first day of my life].:+
im really sleepy, so i'll try to make this fast before i fall asleep on the keyboard and lotsa weird symbols and letters that dont make sense conclude this entry.
sunday--church funfair. had a totally rockin time. and the viking ride was pretty fun [well actually it was pathetic compared to the real thing, and we were almost the only teenagers on the ride and the rest were kids but nah i wont admit that.] cheap thrill though, but not really a very good adrenaline high.
what made it really fun was all the fake screams [and some not-so-fake screams on my part] and that little boy crying midway through the ride so we had about 2 rides for the price of one. not bad. [haha okay that was mean, sorry.]
moral of the story though, never go for such rides with someone who looks like theyre gonna fall asleep on the rides and comments about how the ride feels like kayaking in the harbour [example, pooh-bear.] BLEAH. [read: party-pooper.] haha.
oh and the gladiator game was not bad either. watching it, i mean. i can't play to save my life. really.
[even though i beat delia and aleks and pooh-bear alias Achilles, though the last one was because he sorta let me win.]
i mean, i got thrashed by barney ho, of all people to get thrashed by [though i'd probably get thrashed and grilled and fried by Achilles the pooh-bear if he fought with me properly] so yeh, can't play for nuts.
but jon and the pooh-bear who thinks he's Achilles [hehe] were really good players. ive never seen anyone play that many rounds [and hold the big stick thingy] for so long without getting tired.
and that big stick thingy is, like, DAMN heavy. could hardly swing it. [or maybe tt was just cause i didnt eat lunch and had no energy at all.]
had a great time talkin to pooh-bear too. oh and HAHA ERNIE GOT DUNKED like SO MANY TIMES in rapid sucession. so rapid he couldnt finish his sentences without being dunked somewhere in the middle of it MUAHAHAHA. -ahem- yeah.
monday was pretty boring, and so was tuesday. the only perk about monday was the NDP, i love the fireworks. though thats most probably the only good thing about the parade. anyway, NDP registers as "bad, unwanted and best-forgotten memories" to me, so...yep.
and the only perk about tuesday was that my song dedication on radio to my classmates and pooh-bear finally got through after lotsa attempts to spam the DJ's computer. haha. first time sia.
but i guess for me this is the start of better days. least it looks like the start of it. things are picking up quite well. only problem is that im running outta cash but since when have i not been outta cash. lols.
-yawn- i think i'll go catch some sleep.
--*there is NOTHING WRONG with me liking my pooh-bear*--
==*"...it's all about teamwork. you keep the peace, and i'll start the war."--kristy*==
+:.[broadcasting--.].:+
+:.Recently I've been
Hopelessly reaching
Out for this girl
Who's out of this world
Believe me
She's got a boyfriend
He drives me round the bend
Cus he's 23
He's in the Marines
He'd kill me
So many nights now
I find myself thinking about her now
Cus obviously
She's out of my league
How can I win
She keeps dragging me in
And I know I never will be good enough for her
Cus obviously
She's out of my league
I'm wasting my time cus she'll never be mine
And I know I never will be good enough for her
No no, never will be good enough for her.:+
really, you have to. very addictive. so addictive ive been singing the chorus over and over for the past one and a half hours. =x
anyway i went for this charity walk today...i'll spare you the gory details but i actually managed to get up at 6am to reach there on time, the walk was supposed to be 2km, but i got lost and walked in a total circle which was one and a quarter km longer than i shld have walked. all bcos i wasnt paying attention and followed the wrong group. oh well. good excercise though.
oh and i made a nice, cute, new friend too. =)
all that walkings tired me out. im gonna go catch some well-deserved sleep. byeee.
+:.[don't wanna lose you now].:+
+:.So I said I'm a snowball runnin
Runnin down into the spring thats comin
All this love meltin under blue skies
Meltin as sunlight shimmering love
Oh baby
I surrender to the [everybody yell] STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM
never ever enter all this love
Well I didnt mean to do it but there's no escaping your love
These lines of lightning mean we're never alone, never alone, no no
Come on come on
Move a little closer
Come on come on
I wanna hear you whisper
Come on come on
Settle down inside my love
Come on come on
Jump a little higher
Come on come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on come on
We were once upon a time in love
Accidentally in love .:+
im hungry.
i feel like going to eat some nice strawberry ice cream LOL nah i think i'll just settle for salad. hais, dont think i'll eat lunch today.
there's some problem nagging at the back of my mind but im still trying to push it aside. man. if only it was that easy. but that mental playback keeps rolling like scenes from a neverending movie, too fast too quick and too many. and i just can't help stressing out over it now.
because sometimes it really breaks my heart. its funny how the thing that makes me the happiest has the potential to hurt me inside the most--its like some crazy paradox.
but then again i dont think theres much--or even anything left for it. theres nothing i can do now except to just...yeah, trust God. [how i hate that option. im not exactly very patient.]
i just hope i'll get over it fast.
anyway on the brighter side, the score's 5:0 to GB today at my skools NDP.
lol 5 NPCC girls konked out on the field.
and you wont believe the number of St John girls who fainted either.
and we got a half-day off. this may very well be the sole reason why i like secondary skool. and to think that this is the last year im celebrating youth day...
in a way, i'll miss secondary skool.
er, i think i better rephrase that. i'll miss the holidays in secondary skool.
anyhoos...im tired now and i want to sleep.
--out--
+:.[the beginning of the sunrise].:+
okay.
first off i just wanna apologise for the beautifully multi-colored language in my last blog.
so yeah, sorry.
anyway...things are looking up recently.
or at least they seem that way. it's too early to be certain. its hilarious how things in my life always seem to start looking good just before they crash and burn.
but for now it's getting better, so hopefully [note, HOPEFULLY] this is the start of better days for me after weeks of...bleah.
haha. i really deserve a break.
=p
after battling for weeks i think i deserve some well-earned R&R, right?
okay, with the Os and all i really dont think i got time for any R's at all, but at least something happened today that's gotten a few loads off my mind. ^_^
nothing much left to look forward to currently, nothing much to really hope for except hope itself, but thats okay, i could settle for some of that.
"everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end."
in life.
adriaan louw.
a good, hard, strong beat; rock music.
the darker side.
pyromania.
nicotine, alcohol and caffeine.
in death.
homework and everything to do with dynamics of mass comm.
the color pink.
overprotective parents.
her stupid fats that won't go away.